Amor Eterno

With the heart of a Child. ~777

2011-11-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

"We will live FOREVER. Children live forever."

Hallelujah

2011-09-01T11:25:00.001-07:00

C. S. Lewis, “The Weight of Glory”“If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Sotics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing proimses of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

Harvest Worker Prayer

2011-08-21T22:29:00.000-07:00

I trust you with your work, Oh, Lord. I yield to what Jesus, your Son, commanded us to pray in Matthew 9:38. I call on you as the Lord of the Harvest to send workers into the harvest. I pray your kingdom would be advanced and your name be glorified as workers go out to do your work. I too, see what you see, this harvest is so great and the workers are so few. So, thrust the laborers out…force them out…push them out by your power into the work you have for them. “In the name of Jesus, harvest workers, go out!”

By your power, break every yoke that holds your workers back. Apply your power to their broken character. By your power, confront their sins and shortcomings. Forgive their sins and cleanse them from unrighteousness and cover them with your grace. Give them visions of service, willing spirits and confident hearts. Break the yoke of fear and intimidation…give them faith to engage. “Fear, be gone, in Jesus’ name!”

By your power, crack the heart that is hardened against service. Speak clearly to those who say, “I’ve done my part” or those who say, “I don’t have time” or those who say, “let’s build up our house” when the House of God is neglected. Confront those who never have time to serve you and are distracted by the temporary activity of this world. Destroy every selfish thought in their hearts, and cause self-less service to burst into freedom and fruitfulness. “Spirit of Selfishness, be gone in Jesus’ Name!”

By your power, destroy all the excuses and human arguments and imaginations that prevent workers from engaging and going out into the harvest. Break through these ‘lies’, which are falsely called ‘reasons’ for their complacency- whether the lies come from their own souls, their family members, or friends, enemies or demons. “Excuses, be revealed in Jesus’ name!”

By your power, cause every harvest worker to hear your voice. Let them hear your call. Grant them ears to hear what you are saying to them personally. Confront those who love their father and mother, brother and sister, or friends, more than they love you. “In the name of Jesus, harvest workers open your ears to the Lord of the Harvest and embrace the spirit of Jesus, Who Himself did not come to be served, but to serve and to give His life! Lord of the harvest, send out workers into your harvest field.”

"What the cuss?"

2011-07-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

I just got back from watching Wes Anderson's animated film, The Fantastic Mr. Fox, at a friends house and man was it good! I had written this movie off for a long time, because the animation style wasn't particularly eye catching at the time, but I stand corrected.

Not only is the voice cast stellar, but the overall story is simple, witty and funny enough to get the typical Anderson-film charm across in animated form. If you haven't caught this one yet I highly recommend it, many laughs to be had indeed!

Song of the afternoon: The Ember Days - Make Us One

2011-07-29T08:56:00.001-07:00

Nefarious

2011-07-29T08:13:00.000-07:00

NEFARIOUS

Nefarious: Merchant of Souls Official Trailer from Exodus Cry on Vimeo.

I have been really enjoying Relevant magazines other periodical entitled Reject Apathy. They recently put it to print and it is now being sold as a way of keeping readers minds, young and old alike, open to the radical thinking necessary for engaging in todays issues that surround our world.

One of said issues that they seem to be very aware/concerned about, and rightfully so, is human trafficking. This is a massive issue that I personally have yet to truly tap into, but I have read a good deal of articles over the past year or so to give me enough information to at least beginning a rudimentary outline in my brain for just how widespread trafficking has become. That said, I will share an article that they posted up the other day, it involves a man's work to develop a documentary film titled "Nefarious".

Does Modern Slavery Start at Home?

this is community.

2011-07-28T22:55:00.001-07:00

James 5:16 (NKJV)

16 Confess your trespasses[a] to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

Late Night Listen: Honor The Emperor : The Prayers EP

2011-07-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

FREE Download: The Prayers EP

Taken from Come & Live!:
Honor The Emperor

Honor the Emperor is a worship band at Mars Hill Church Downtown Seattle, Washington. Blending heavy doses of strings, electronic programming and melodic indie rock, HTE delivers atmospheric and urgent songs in the vein of Arcade Fire, Blonde Redhead, and The Helio Sequence. The band creates intensely intimate songs that highlight the struggles and victories of the body of Christ while praising a loving Savior who forgives, loves and rescues his people.
We are proud to partner with artists serious about making Jesus famous.

**Personal favorite is track #3 -

Be blessed my friends, walk in Victory.

Stop Talking, Start Doing

2011-07-27T21:50:00.000-07:00

Follow this guys blog: The Bike Nerd

He lives a pretty unconventional lifestyle with a type of simplicity that defines his travels and desires to bike all over the place. There are some encouraging nuggets amidst his musings that are truly motivating.

"Plans for you. A purpose. Will you receive it?"

2011-07-27T21:26:00.000-07:00

Yet another article from Debra Fileta's blog, I don't know much about her life but she is a counselor of some sort and just reading this new posting echoes the feelings housed within my heart when encountering friends, coworkers, strangers, etc. etc. and wishing that they would see how big God's love for them is. How that love will in turn define their purpose in life and give them direction.

Grasping Purpose

Your engagement is fueled by failure. Where can you risk failing today? (Relevant)

2011-07-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

This is a great article from Relevant's website that addresses the need for failure in our life. It sounds weird at first to acknowledge that we need failure, but with every blunder, with every shattered dream we learn to be refined by the experience, to create a history that gives us instinct to act and to learn from what we've gone through to better craft our purpose in moving forward.

"Whether it's the loss of a job, financial failure, relational difficulty or a spiritual dry spell, we are all faced with setbacks and difficulty. But by reflecting on our failures and mining these rich experiences for wisdom, we can move forward with a fully engaged life. So we might as well fail faster in order to engage sooner. In other words, step out. Risk falling flat. Take a leap of faith. How do you do that?"

Why You Need To Fail

myth of a Christian nation

2011-07-24T22:06:00.001-07:00

So thankful for this band. ~777

Band of the month: The Ember Days

2011-07-24T18:22:00.000-07:00

Come and Live! band page: The Ember Days

Words cannot describe right now just how much I'm enjoying this band. Not only was it a privilege to see them play at Come&Live Fest! the other night, but the closeness of God was immense all throughout the entire event. Each band brought the veil one step closer to being uncovered and it was an immense pleasure to see these guys and gal bring forth something truly special.

As of now their entire catalogue can be culled upon from the all too gnarly website, Come and Live!, but before you download their music entirely for free I'd ask that you'd consider supporting their work with a donation of any kind. They are originally from New Zealand and now are stationed within the lovely state of Tennessee, more specifically Nashville.

They have been touring the U.S. for a good long while now and they are one of many bands on Come&Live! that I am truly grateful for. That said, go and check their music out.

Create instinct by building a history. (iBethel)

2011-07-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

God has been really sharing a lot with me through these messages I've been watching via Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, definitely check this one out, because it applies to us all.

Build a history

Song of the afternoon: Don't go to church, be the Church.

2011-07-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

I have never listened to The Great Commission until this album and it's a funny coincidence that they happen to have released this album on the same label as Sleeping Giant this past week. That said, the first song off of their new release which is aptly titled Heavy Worship is "Don't go to church, be the Church".

ENJOY

The opening line to this song is great, it's encouraging to remind myself that it doesn't matter if I'm by myself or surrounded by other Saints, we are a walking revival, no matter where we're at.

Yellow Belly

2011-07-22T06:01:00.000-07:00

You were built for blessing,
But you only make them bleed,
You don't care, you don't care.
And bruises are but shadows
Of the blackness that you breed,
But you don’t care, you don’t care.

The light that's left inside their eyes
is darkened day by day
You don’t care, you don’t care
The presence pulls the color
From the world til all is grey
But you don’t care, you don’t, you don’t, you don’t.

Chorus:
You're less than half a man
Yellow belly and crimson hands
You’re the ones that reap your reckoning,
Maybe then you’ll understand.

Hands are made to comfort
But they only cause you fear
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
But you don’t care, you don’t care.
She’s in the closet, praying "Lord,
Please get me out of here"
You don’t care, you don’t, you don’t, you don’t.

Chorus: X2
You're less than half a man
Yellow belly and crimson hands
You’re the ones that reap your reckoning,
Maybe then you’ll understand.

What mercy have they known,
From you, from you?!
To ask that I be shown,
To you, to you?!

What mercy have they known,
From you, from you?!
To ask that I be shown,
To you, to you?!

777

Song of the morning: You Are Good

2011-07-22T05:32:00.001-07:00

Caught this at the end of the sermon I posted the other night, Fighting Words Pt. 2, and really, really enjoyed it. So, now you can enjoy too.

For those of you who want some gnarly content and just overall great messages from Bethel out in California, check out this site: iBethel.tv

Be well, share Peace and look for opportunities to encourage others around you. ~777

Wonderful article on the damage of casual sex. (Taken from Relevant)

2011-07-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

Original Article: Love Is Sacrificial, not Selfish

It's not just in the movies. How have we convinced ourselves to bend the rules of intimacy?

Friendships and sex have been around since the beginning of time, but it’s our generation that puts them into the same phrase—and the same bedroom. From high school hallways to movie theater screens, “friends with benefits” is sold to us as a new combination as simple, acceptable and wonderful as mac-and-cheese.

No one wakes up and decides sex is just sex, or making out is just making out. No one wakes up and announces over coffee, "Today, I'm going to fall head over heels in love with someone I'd never marry." I didn't.

I remember being a freshman in high school, believing heart and soul that I would wait for marriage to have sex. I'd never kissed a boy, and I didn't plan on it until I was engaged. Fast-forward four or five years, and I've made out for fun, for comfort, for love and for revenge. Fast-forward another two or three years, and I'm sleeping with someone I'm not even dating.

Why does it happen? Because we are broken people. And because God created sex and physical affection as a phenomenal part of what is meant to heal us: intimate, committed love with another human being. But when we don't know how our body and heart work, we tend to do long-term damage to ourselves instead of long-term good.

Bending the Rules
Your desire for sex is proof that God loves you. Your physical draw to another human being is proof that God created you to want to experience unparalleled intimacy in a way that reflects His desire for intimacy with us. God designed sex and the acts and attitudes preceding it to access aspects of your heart, soul, body and mind that could not be accessed any other way.

The problem is that we forget (or ignore) the passion-filled, healing, love-reflecting, life-giving purpose for intimacy. All we know are the rules. Maybe there are some rules you won’t violate; maybe you’ve committed to abstaining from sex outside of marriage. But there are still a number of other “benefits” you may convince yourself it’s OK to relinquish. When we don't recognize the purpose for something, the rules sometimes aren't enough.

"Your first perfect boyfriend broke your heart. You weren't supposed to take your physical relationship that far, but you did; now you might as well take it that far again. You deserve to have some innocent fun. Cuddling as 'friends' isn't wrong; it won't go anywhere. You didn’t go all the way. Everyone has sex before marriage, and everyone ends up married and happy in the end. You need to experience everything before you settle down."

This is what I took myself through. This is how I convinced myself it was fine to "just have fun," and how I got addicted to men I could neither commit to nor leave. There are a number of other reasons that people will justify casual intimacy, physical or otherwise; none of them are an excuse.

Our bodies are created to start bonding within 20 seconds. Your body can’t tell the difference between cuddling with your boyfriend and cuddling with a friend while watching a movie. Your heart can’t tell the difference between sharing intimate secrets with the sexy new friend or your spouse. Trust, attachment and intimacy build with or without our permission. This is why it’s so incredibly important to set physical and emotional boundaries before we get into something it hurts to get out of.

Create your own specific rules to help yourself keep the big rules: Do you get lonely at night? Safeguard your heart by having a plan that keeps you from opening up emotionally or physically when you’re “at risk.” Give people permission to ask you the personal questions and keep you accountable to yourself. Sit down with yourself and write out what’s OK for you (not what's OK or acceptable to your peers). Don’t dwell on your mistakes, but use what you learn from them in the future. And don’t be afraid to communicate what’s permissible and what’s not with any potential love interest—real friends protect you, not compromise your standards.

The Ties that Bind
Your entire life is the story of God's plan to show you His definition of crazy, unconditional love. Those who marry will find marriage is one of God's primary tools for this. God knew it was not good for man to be alone. God knew we needed a physical way to experience the heartbeat of Himself. So He gave us each other—another human being to commit to and love no matter what. An image of God's passion for His children, an expression of Jesus' love for His bride.

Sex is some of the greatest glue for marriage—and the enemy has every intention of attacking your marriage before it even starts. If he can twist, harm or destroy your marriage, he knows he does the same for your picture of God's unconditional love and commitment to you. Furthermore, friends with benefits also deteriorates the value of your other relationships. Single or married, God intends for you to have trustworthy, iron-sharpens-iron friendships untainted by cheap affection or half-hearted romance.

Not only is sex the perfect image of intimacy, passion and desire, it triggers the release of chemicals that train your body to remember what feels good, and how to get it again. Dopamine is a natural drug that gets you high. This is what keeps you going back again. Drugs like methamphetamine access dopamine to achieve the same effect. Your body begins such a bond just with cuddling, kissing, and everything between there and “real” sex. Oxytocin is dopamine’s partner, the emotional binding agent that teaches you to trust and reduces fear.

However, dopamine and oxytocin don’t play fair. They don’t care if it’s just for fun, if it’s "just this one night" or if the person you’re going home with is going to be around next week. They don’t care if it’s make-up sex, breakup sex or all-the-way sex. They don’t care if you just “mess around,” or if you go all the way. They’re going to feed your addiction, commitment or not.

Love Is Sacrificial, not Selfish
Consider the repercussions of programming your body to trust someone you shouldn’t—to be vulnerable with someone you know will cause pain in the withdrawal phase.

You were created for hot, passionate sex. You were created to be connected to one person, without ever going through withdrawal. You were created for whole, healthy friendships—unscarred by broken or inappropriate intimacy.

But more than that, you were created to experience unconditional, committed love. When we compromise emotional and physical intimacy before commitment (whether or not we intend to), we sabotage ourselves. And it hurts. Badly. Either now, later or both.

The myth of friends with benefits programs us to believe intimacy doesn’t last, love is selfish, desire exists for you and only matters in the right now. But God’s definition of love is always sacrificial—and will always be around.

Lauren Lankford is the editor of Good Women Project. Keep up with her on her personal blog and Twitter.

Fighting Words Pt. 2

2011-07-20T22:13:00.000-07:00

God shared this with me tonight, I will pass it along. Go sign up at ibethel.tv for free and watch this sermon from Kris Vallotton - Fighting Words

It focuses on Prov. 4:23, how our hearts are where everything starts, where everything in life flows forward from. Proclaim victory in your life my friends, think on what is pure, honorable, virtuous and TRUE.

Much Peace ~777

Tithemi

2011-07-20T14:19:00.001-07:00

If I ever get a tattoo again one day, this word will be placed somewhere on one of my arms. Even better is the song by Sleeping Giant, every time I turn their new CD on it is without hesitation that I immediately switch to track 6 and start worshipping Jesus. This song is POWERFUL. ~777

Restart

2011-07-20T11:44:00.000-07:00

There have been a slew of good heavy albums coming out lately that are just pummeling my soul with good vibes. Last week there was Sleeping Giant's "Kingdom Days In An Evil Age" and this week I've been jamming out to Hands newest disc, "Give Me Rest". The song I chose to post here is featured towards the end of the album which is fitting, because all of the songs towards the start have a very, very heavy sound to them and as you reach the half way point, the heaviness is still there, but it starts to give way to more understanding, if that makes any sense at all.

So, with that in mind here is the second to last song off of Give Me Rest:

I can feel my heart giving in to the weight of your design. And like a remedy your fixing me, while the world has left me blind. I sang for you, and meant what I said. But it's still hard to believe. I was burning my wick at both ends, but no light could be seen. I get frustrated. But I just need to let go. Lift me up (into your arms) and weigh me down. Reach straight into my heart. I've been holding on so long, but I just need to let go. I carried torches from east to west, and watched the flames burn themselves out. Fighting every battle, never trusting that you were on my side. I will fall into your arms and cry, you are God! Lift us up and hear our cry, you are God!

Eternity is right now (c'mon)

2011-07-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

The final chapter
Has already been written
The story has been told
In another dimension
Beyond the reach of time
There is no more
No more to behold

See the artificial light now
It's flickering, fading away
Eternity is right now (c'mon)
It's fusing with today

We anticipate
Or suffocate

See the darkness that conceals you
Evaporating, exposing the soul
And as the light reveals you (c'mon)
Let it in, let it take control

As death corrupts
Beauty is revealed
As the whole world
Falls apart
As death corrupts
Beauty is revealed
As the whole world
Falls apart

We are breathing light
(We are breathing light)
It sets our hearts aglow
(Sets our hearts aglow)
We are breathing light
(We are breathing light)
Eternal is the overflow
Breathe

We are breathing light
(We are breathing light)
It sets our hearts aglow
(Sets our hearts aglow)
We are breathing light
(We are breathing light)
Eternal is the overflow

The final chapter
Has already been written
The story has been told
In another dimension
Beyond the reach of time
There is no more
No more to behold

The final chapter
Has already been written
The story has been told

my heart escapes...

2011-07-19T09:17:00.000-07:00

Over the last few weeks there have been a lot of conversations taking place about "backsliding" to old habits, former loves or more aptly put, sinful attitudes in our lives and this song immediately came to mind. I was just talking the other day to a friend about the kind of music we ingest, movies, media etc. etc. and how this will over time affect the way we feel.

For the longest time I've listened to heavy music, whether it be your standard alternative rock, hXc music, metalcore, mathcore, what have you and just recently I made a switch in the types of bands that I flock to within these genres. It's such a gray area when talking about this and how it pertains to what I wrote in the first paragraph will make sense in just a moment. That said, I have talked and written quite a bit about Underoath's new album, Disambiguation, over the course of this past year and not long ago it hit me like a sack of bricks, the thought that listening to an album that is pretty much about staving off one's demons, mass confusion and redemption can be an emotional vortex that dredges up past situations that are none too pleasant to think about.

I don't know if there are bands out there that do this for you, but for some reason the bleak nature of Underoath's newest record finally came about face and I was sharply reminded of what we dwell on, what we listen to, what we internalize the most is ultimately what we portray to other people around us. As previously mentioned it can leave a door wide open to sinful backsliding, at times, when we allow ourselves to steep in negative thought processes or allow confusion to have a foothold.

This past week I've chose to play nothing but bands like Sleeping Giant, Blindside, Showbread and a mix of other metal bands I conjured up for my drive times. There has been a stark, noticeable difference in my attitude shifts when listening to these bands, especially Sleeping Giant. Their new album is entitled, Kingdom Days In An Evil Age, and to anyone reading this I implore you to go buy a copy on Amazon MP3 or directly from them. It's heavy worship music at it's best and to say it is encouraging is an understatement. Songs like "Tithemi" and "Tongues of Fire" in particular will get your blood flowing in the best way possible, both songs declaring for listeners to "receive their King" and rejoice in the power found in Christ.

At any rate, I guess what all this is pointing towards is me writing to you to take charge of what your allowing to enter your mind, whether through your eyes or ears. Yes, our life with Jesus is not all cotton candy and rainbows, as I was reminded by my friend Joe over lunch yesterday when he discussed the book of Lamentations. There is a place for melancholy and reflection within the media we partake in, my only caution is not to dwell in that too much when you yourself are experiencing loads of personal strife.

Here's another song from Blindside's "With Shivering Hearts We Wait", this one is called My Heart Escapes:

Feeling overwhelmed...but finding Vision.

2011-07-16T22:30:00.001-07:00

ISAIAH 53:5

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us PEACE was upon him, and by his wounds we are HEALED.

Simply profound.

Mental Health Counselor

2011-07-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

(Dustin Hoffman counseling Will Ferrell in one of my favorite films, Stranger Than Fiction)

GRACE

It's hard for me to start to wrap my mind around the fact that I am about to embark on almost three more years of school in order to credential-the-heck out of myself in order to be before as many broken people as possible. I know God has brought me this far for a reason and the calling He has on me to speak words of Encouragement have been integral to defining my own character as well as developing the virtues I choose to live by, now more than ever it seems.

Nevertheless, in my perusing of Blogger I stumbled upon this one woman's blog which is essentially written in a daily devotional style. Today she posted a bit on counseling people and the crap she encounters from said folks who seemingly wallow in very very broken places. So broken in fact that it's enough to make one step back and say, "thank God my life has retained at least an ounce of normalcy."

Problem with this type of thinking, especially for Counselors, is that it is very dangerous to fall down the slippery slope of labeling every person you meet as hopeless, broken and just as screwed up as the last lot of folks you dealt with the month prior.

Thankfully Jesus has altered our minds in a way that we see the crap that tries to afflict us not as an impasse, but instead a opportunity to transcend the sky with wings of Grace. Give the article a read and reflect on how you look at people in your life, whether it is a roommate, a house mate or maybe even your own parents. Take time to reflect on just how much God has helped you grow past the immaturity of the past and therefore allows you to lovingly enable others to do the same, anytime, anywhere.

Your life is a gift, give it to others, speak to the leader residing in them.

777

There must be something in the wind.....

2011-07-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

I have been finding it very difficult to write anything on here, not for lack of motivation, but just for how much has been going on in my heart. You think that would be the prime reason to share some thoughts, but instead I'm going to use this song. Right now the song that is really moving my heart quite a bit is from Blindside's new album, With Shivering Hearts We Wait, and if you haven't stopped to listen to it yet, please do so, it's incredibly encouraging.

For anyone who reads this who is struggling and or battling through emotions of the past, my nugget of wisdom for you is to constantly remind yourself that the past is bound up and vanquished, no matter how dark, promiscuous or confusing it may have been. God is forever abounding in love and He is as close as we will let Him be. Find Peace in the people around you, share your life as the gift it has always meant to be, for others. Challenge yourself and daily ask yourself the questions that matter most, what am I doing with my life, what am I passionate about, how can I glorify God in new ways this very moment?

Good works don't matter, find out where you are most creative, most life giving and finding life being poured into you as a result from the awesome risks taken for the Kingdom. I may not be making sense to some, but I will boil it down to this, when we abandon what makes us comfortable, that is where true Joy in life can be found.

God created us to be pioneers, to be LEADERS.

Everything is Holy, no matter what you're doing the truth that is Jesus can be found in everything. I was very inspired by Heidi Baker's statement about making every simple act holy, no matter what it is. Sweeping the floor, walking down the street, eating a bowl of cereal, stop and find God in all that you do, trust me when I say the veil over your eyes will be pierced by new light that blinds the darkness that has been trying to snuff the good in us since the day we were born.

Enjoy this song.

There must be something
in the wind
That wants me to die
To leave all this behind
To let go of these chains
and let them fall
it's like I've always known you and
still don't know who you are

And I can hear the thunder roaring
from a distance
And it's me on the shoreline
Slowly but surely
you're moving close
And you're pushing the water
Yes you're pushing the water
Please come wash over me

Waves arrive like thunder
I'm not scared to end up under
Wash away my heartache
that's creeping in

I'm not scared to loose my skin

The sky is electric tonight
My savior from myself
is on the move
My long lost love
My redeemer
Come and remind me

The curse is broken
Heavy burdens are lifted off
And my soul is light as a feather
in your storm

Waves arrive like thunder
I'm not scared to end up under
Wash away my heartache that's
creeping in
I'm not scared to loose my skin

I'm waiting for you
I always have
I'm waiting for you
And I always have

I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for You. ~777

Parallels

2011-06-24T23:20:00.000-07:00

We live in a thin place, God is so near all the time. Breakthroughs are possible, I believe this. Have a heavy jam, goodnight folks.

We are all comatose. We are overfed and under... undernourished, yearning for something more.
Never starving yet never quite satisfied. Carnal but without useful flesh or mind. Yeah...

I am a walking contradiction that's found consistency
Consuming everything, all without producing sustenance.

In the parallels we struggle... struggle to upkeep, there is a better way for us to be set free.
From all it is we crave, there must be more to life than to simply stay alive... to simply stay alive.

We are not the same as I hope to show. There is a better way if we just let go.
We are not... we are not the same. We are not... we are not the same. Let go...

In the tension between devouring want or simple need
It's clear the only lines between the ones we preserve.

We are not the same as I hope to show. There is a better way if we just let go.
We are not... we are not the same. We are not... we are not the same.
Let go... We are not the same.

And in the parallels we struggle to upkeep,
There's a better way for us to be... for us to be set free.
And in the parallels (parallels) we struggle to upkeep (struggle to upkeep),
There's a better way for us to be... for us to be set free

Born To Lose

2011-06-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

First off, glory to God and much thanks for the healing of a broken Spirit. This past week has been very good and God is not threw with me yet, He won't stop, He never will. Incredibly thankful for a Dad who is always patient and persistent, no matter how far we push Him away.

That said, I have not written anything on here of substance in a while. I usually allow songs and music videos to masquerade as insightful thoughts spewing forth from me, but tonight I give a shout out to God and what He's doing. At work He's continuing to break through and offer encouragement and joy to my coworkers. I am bewildered in the ways He uses me to share Peace and I hope that this never ends. There have been some healings at work as well, physical and emotional and this too will not stop.

God is preparing me to take a trip to Guatemala with a batch of ragamuffins from a local community house and I couldn't be more pleased with the folks He has called to go. I've been wrestling with the motives behind my own desire to go and it's boiled down to one of two things:

1. I want to be available for God to use me at all times, no matter how or where.
2. Am I called to go to Guatemala and does this conflict with point #1 that I just wrote above.

Obviously I want to throw apprehension to the wind and just GO. Much work needs to be done, but I know that Jesus will provide for our needs in setting up this trip. The children, the people and the Souls of Panimaquin deserve excellence and I want to pursue the remaining time before leaving with an undivided heart. For anyone who reads this, please be praying over our team and how God would use us. The relationship that has been cultivated with the village of Panimaquin over the years is one of Peace, Love and Glory for God. This is one of the greatest motivating factors for me to go, it's not a drop in and evacuate type of short term missions trip, there are sustainable relationships nourished and continually cultivated here.

My needs aside I've been told that God always delivers in a massive way with each visit to Panimaquin and this summer's trip will be no different. Part of our curriculum to teach is that of Sex Ed, yes, you read that correctly. I'm hoping that I'm able to facilitate some of these lessons, if not, that is ok, there is plenty to do and I need to remain conscious of that fact.

Here's a link to the group we're working with over there: GMO Kids

We also have a art show approaching this upcoming Saturday, June 25th, to benefit the work being done over there. Please soak this day in prayer as well as all gatherings our team has leading up to actually departing from Florida. Thanks a bunch, now time for tonight's song! Haha

I've chose The Devil Wears Prada's new song, Born To Lose, as this evenings....well...mornings song of choice. The lyrics are quite blunt and not very happy if you ask me and that's cool. This song probably falls somewhere either at the start or towards the middle of their new album due out later this year, September 13th to be exact. The concept behind their new release is the total dissolution of idols in our lives. As this song makes clear from the opening, "Blessed be those who have no idols", they are wasting no time in getting said album's subject matter across.

In an interview conducted not too long ago with lead vocalist Mike Hranica he commented on the album title, which is still secret and adds that the album title, "sums up the lyrical concepts addressed in “a third of the songs, maybe. It’s just this message of anti-idolatry, which has always been in our music, but this record really focuses on it.”

This runs in parallel–and even intertwines–with another main concept: losing love. “Some of the songs, like the title track, are like, ‘Don’t hold these things up, don’t put these things on a pedestal,’” Hranica says. “And then there’s the songs like, ‘Oh, you know, these songs of heartbreak,’ and then there’s the songs of being, like, ‘My heartbreak was because I put things up on a pedestal, I put this person on a pedestal.’”

I don't know about you all, but just reading those words and seeing the sentiment behind the album being so, well, passionate, already has me very excited to finally hear the end product. No more blabbering, without further delay, here's Born To Lose -

Blessed be those who have no idols.
Invoke holy honor, sanctify the patient.
I don't see the world the same.
I'm no one's hero, so just forget my name.
I abhor you, with every foolish thing that you say.
None of it is worth the time: another meaningless war.

You don't know what you need.
We're all so back and forth, nothing is as it seems.
You don't know what you need.
We make the same mistakes, we've ruined everything.

What is it this time?
What must you call holy?
This is your lifeline, nothing is at it seems.

If I were you I'd give it up. (I'd give it up! I'd give it up!)
If I were you I'd care.
I'm born to lose with a noose around my neck.
World be damned and move forward.

I abhor you, with every selfish thing that you say.
None of it is the worth the time.
You don't know what you need.
We're all so back and forth, nothing is as it seems.
You don't know what you need.
We make the same mistakes, we've ruined everything.
Born to lose with a noose around my neck.

Sexual Healing

2011-06-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine posted a video of this guy performing some poetry of his at Pacific University during an open mic night. In his poetry he delves into the topic of sex and the sacredness that surrounds it, urging the audience to take just one second to abandon what they've learned growing up and to sift through the murkiness we've been taught, whether good or bad.

Here's that video:

I did a youtube search and the guy also made more of a music video version of the same poem. Pick and choose your adventure, haha, both videos are great and my heart instantly relates.

I don't know if anybody even reads this stuff, but my encouragement to anyone who does have a relationship with Christ, who has had sex, maybe multiple times, and feels unqualified for glory, don't feel that way. Your life is not ruined by you having sex before marriage, yes, your emotions and your body make a commitment to that person you chose to love to such a passionate degree, but life does not stop there.

Life boils down to choices, you, right now, reading this, if you struggle and find yourself feeling dirty and left out, don't hate yourself. Yes, you have screwed up but we all have and will continue to do so. Know that the gift of life is coursing through you and the King of kings has blessed you with a new day to choose to love the woman in your life instead of caving in to the lust residing in your heart.

A part of me feels like a hypocrite for posting these videos, trying to share a positive message, but realize that life, especially your dating, courting, whatever relationship, doesn't boil down to that woman or man orbiting around your life. Jesus is your number one priority, strive to live for him, no, better yet endeavor my friends to live for Him and share the love, the encouragement and the Peace that stems from that relationship with others.

You see, sex is a gift and it is indeed something to be treasured and to remain sacred as well. In my heart, when I look past everything that was shoved down my throat growing up, whether at home or by some vocal church youth pastor, about abstinence, safe sex and everything else under the sun, in my heart I know that outside of all these flawed lessons, I know that Jesus is calling me to be a man, He is calling you as well, to honor and love Him first and to save yourself for that person He has placed in your life.

If I am to look back on the love I've shared already thus far in my life and take anything away from what I've experienced it's this: Whether you want to believe it or not (I struggle with this too) your soul and your body make a binding commitment to the people you have had sex with. At the time, blindsided and jaded by the emotional feelings of love, it feels right. Even in your most altruistic state of mind to want to honor, to hold and to cherish the person you're having sex with is honest, and loving, there is still something missing.

This topic is very polarizing, but in my heart I know that God is calling our generation to live greater and bolder then we have chosen to live as such already. There has to be more to life than what we've set out to selfishly achieve at times, I for one want my life to resemble the love in my heart for Jesus and at the same time, I want that love to fully embrace my wife one day, whoever she is.

Before that day comes for any of us, I challenge you to abandon your fixated desires to find a spouse, a boyfriend, a girlfriend and choose to cultivate your relationship with God. It sounds so plain and lame saying that for so many people because we lost track ages ago in that endeavor, but start again, choose to live today.

Also, for the record, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be romantic with the person you love. I don't want for one second to say that it's bad to have those urges, God made love, sex and everything that stems from said goodness to be...well....very freaking good. At the end of the day it's how you choose to harness those feelings or let them harness you.

That's all I can really share on this matter. Much Peace and Love. ~777

Song of the morning: Advent - NOTHING

2011-06-09T22:56:00.000-07:00

It saddens me to say that Advent has thrown in the towel only after a handful of albums released thus far, but in their wake they leave some truly, heart wrenching songs that have lyrics with enough force behind them that it feels like a viper is laying it's teeth in your heart with an overdoes of venomous Truth.

Tonight I decided to throw on their album Naked and Cold while deciding also to look up lyrics to these songs featured on this album. Joe Musten's vocal range in Advent is, well, almost indistinguishable at times due to the recording style he employs. What you do get is a scream that is piercing and when I say piercing get ready to want to turn this band off, haha.

When I first listened to Advent it was like a sucker punch to my ears, I had never heard a man sound so convicted when singing....errr shouting, whatever you want to call it, to me it's singing and the lyrics alone warrant a listen.

My heart has really been yearning healing prayer for a while now as well as the ability to pray over people with authority and heal in Jesus' name. At times I feel totally unworthy of such a gift because of the vain pursuits that lie waiting in the heart of most men, even myself at times. When encountering such doubt I know it's not Jesus placing these thoughts in me. The enemy wants me to fail and fail hard, no healing at all is a good thing for that loser, but, that said Jesus has authority as the only Wise King in my book. I want to see into the Heavenly, I want to see angels and I want people to feel the love of God through my prayer.

That said, there are certain days where my heart hurts and this song is a fine portrait of that feeling.

Enjoy and brace yourself.

I can’t seem to answer all these questions in My Mind is running overtime to figure out This Life is so full of anguish without all the death we see. I see, I hear you but its so hard to believe. God, where are we now? Can you hear us through those clouds? When the rain is beating down? Our hopes and dreams never left the ground. Nothings being done for your daughters or your sons. Everything just stays the same. So they tell Nothing’s your name. Do we believe in Nothing? I scream at the sky! Into the big nothing, begging to hear something. I scream at the sky. As I close my eyes to sleep, I decide I still believe.

777

Song of the night: RED - Feed The Machine

2011-06-08T22:11:00.000-07:00

My friend PJ shared Red's new video with me earlier tonight on Facebook and I must say that for a band I've never really had much interest in they truly did create a great short-film/music video. That said, give the video a watch and have a good night.

NSFW - Footnote TV Ep. 3

2011-06-07T23:16:00.000-07:00

Over the last few months I have been following this website and their subsequent show called Footnote TV. Each episode is a window into stories that are true, blunt and uncompromising in their nature to connect the viewer with the material being presented to them.

I wish a program like this would air on national TV, it would be like seeing the sunlight peer through dark clouds. ***The next episode airs on Saturday, June 18 at 2am CST (12 am PST) on WGN.

NSFW

A young porn star struggles to find her place in LA. A porn producer comes to terms with the effects his job is having on himself and the girls he hires. A youth minister becomes a welcome fixture at porn conventions. And as one man watches his life slip away when his one dark secret is revealed, a young girl wonders what to do when she discovers her boyfriend's secret of his own. These people's stories go both behind and in front of the bright lights of the porn industry, as Footnote goes inside America's biggest, sweatiest, and seediest industry to find out just what it actually does to its employees, its consumers, and to us.

NSFW - Footnote TV Episode 3

Divisions of the heart

2011-06-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

I haven't surrendered everything yet. My heart is heavy, I'm not giving up, this pursuit of Peace will never stop as long as life courses within me.

Band of the day: Close Your Eyes

2011-06-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

I came to know this band through my friend Chris when he texted me a random recommendation one day to check out this band that had a similar sound to A Day To Remember, but a message that packs a loving, peaceful message behind it. Needless to say my ears were hammered by their single, Song For The Broken, and from that point on their sophomore release, We Will Overcome, has been spinning in my car radio for a very long time now.

Now, to say that their sound is a similar to A Day To Remember is true, are they just as heavy? Yes and no. These guys mix more of a hXc punk sound to their songs with gang chants and breakdowns used accordingly, but what really drives home their sound for me is the lyrics. We Will Overcome is quite possibly the most positive CD I have listened to in years. When I got the chance to listen to it front to back for the first time there was a smile smacked across my face for the entire duration.

Now, for those of you who happen to read these mini-recommendations that I throw up on my blog from time to time and are still a bit apprehensive towards heavier music I say give this band a shot, because you won't be disappointed if you appreciate a good mix of the heavy rock, pop-punk and hXc genres rolled into one. It's a solid album and I would recommend it to anyone who's in the market to find a good band to jam out to over the summer or for that matter, a band that's truly sharing a positive message that gets you motivated in the process.

That said, I present two songs off of their new album, both of which put on display the heavy/melodic combo I mentioned above. Both are great, truly positive songs that sound fantastic in your car or on a set of decent speakers. They use bass drops quite liberally in their songs and that always puts a smile on my face. :)

ENJOY!

Take an hour, listen to this.

2011-06-03T09:13:00.001-07:00

Underground - 1 Cor 7: 17-40

I Will

2011-06-02T09:34:00.001-07:00

Rise, from the quiet I will rise. I can't bare anymore of the silence.
I feel sick at how jaded I've become.

Can you feel the anger in my heart? I can't believe this is me.
I built my house on shaking ground, and lit a match to watch it burn. Set me free.

Rest my soul in You alone.

Rise, from the quiet I will rise!

Take my hand.
Give me the faith to move mountains. Give me the strength to rebuild.
Help me become a better man. Help me to understand Your will.

Let it rain. To remind me that there is something more.

Band: Hands
Song: I Will

Listen to the band here: HANDS

Today.

2011-05-30T21:47:00.001-07:00

What a sad, sad picture to paint
Of a dirty, dirty little soul
We are so blind here
Let's watch us all fall apart

Find it hard to believe in it
believe in it, believe in
what you give to me

Never thought I would find you here
find you here, find you buried in chemicals

Tie a rope to either side
either side and let's see how our limbs hold up

Eventually we will sink or swim
sink or swim, sink into the Great Abyss ~777

The New World

2011-05-27T22:24:00.000-07:00

The artistry behind The Tree of Life has sparked my interest in seeing other films that Terrence Malick as made. The New World, cinematography wise, looks amazing and I passed it up when it came out in theaters, writing it off as another Ridley Scott-esque period piece.

"Love...shall we deny it when it visits us?"

"Start over; Exchange those false lights for a true one."

Song of the day: Emery - The Cheval Glass

2011-05-27T11:42:00.000-07:00

For the record, I really don't like Emery to a large degree. Their music has never really caught my ear or done anything special for me, but with the release of their newest album, We Do What We Want, I have found reason to take that statement and flip it on its head. For starters the album cover is awesome, simple, but blunt letting the listener gaze upon a tattered Bible with the words We Do What We Want etched into its worn leather cover.

That statement is bold simply because I feel that it wrings true for many Christians in America today. We all forsake Jesus at times for the comfort of something, whether it be a relationship or some earthly distraction in place of the waiting, the patience and the simple fortitude it takes to pursue Him at the same time.

That said, picking Emery's "The Cheval Glass" as the song of the day feels good. This song puts on display their typical sound, but ramped to a heavy, heavy degree. On past releases Emery has always dabbled with a heavier sound coupled with melodic vocals, but The Cheval Glass is kick to the chest in terms of an album opener.

ENJOY!

Turn the cheval glass and find
Corruption under my skin
And mine
You're so far from safety
Put your fingers to your eyes
And steal yourself away

Repetition
It will not be satisfied
You can not accomplish this
You can not be satisfied

The worst isn't ever the curse of the cleverest lines
Sang the song of never, never
Believed that you meant it this time

It's time to back all your big words
So come on now
But you're all lipstick and cheap skirts
You're the shining light until it hurts
Tonight I'll make this bleed
Light up the sky with my misdeeds
'Cause I hate this
I fell for the first time

Fall was upon us
With all the leaves turning
You were so sure of yourself
You were asking me questions
Of us getting older
You hardly could catch your breath
I wanted anything else
And I've asked
For the after remorse
To stay
And still these hands
But it never takes
Never takes
Old habits are so hard to break
So you fall
And circle through
Your life
That can't be seen
Avoid the brilliant
Lights that find you
Because when they do
You know you'll have to

There's not enough wisdom or perception
judge this now
Take back your life
You are dying and the time you spent was wasted
On all the sick drams of the lie
The lie
Pull yourself out
Made yourself in your own image
The praise you gave thousands of times
Lifted yourself up to the sky
The sky
Bow before all that you've done

The Fall

2011-05-25T22:19:00.000-07:00

I have been listening to A Plea For Purging's new album The Marriage of Heaven and hell for quite some time now. Not only is it one of the more powerful listens that I've encountered recently, but it's hard to get certain songs out of my head. One of which in particular is called The Fall.

Listening to this song amongst others numerous times I've tried to pin a lyrical stance that this tune is trying to take. Andy, their lead vocalist, stated that this album is essentially a jab at the commercialization of american Christianity and how we've opted to buy our faith for whatever best suits our needs. This song in particular is really laying it thick into religion, in my opinion, and the dampening effects that can be produced from seeking formula rather than authenticity. Hence the reason he is screaming, "I refuse to fall in line", when offered an alternative to Jesus.

That word, authenticity, is something my heart is truly seeking right now more than ever. I've been reading a book written by Sleeping Giant's frontman, Tommy Green, called Religiocide and the book's entire premise is the bringing about of revelation to just how great God truly is in our lives and how we've snuffed out His touch to do insanely miraculous things through us, because we are sons and daughters of God after all, why do we treat this fact like it's nothing?

Back to The Fall, every time I hear this song I envision a music video treatment for it where a wolf is prowling through a snow covered landscape, possibly a forest. The image I see is exactly like the one below, a wolf creeping into your life to snuff out the light of God, only to his bemusement does the wolf later find out that he is being stalked by a Lion in the woods. During the final stretch of this song where Andy shouts, "We're losing our footholds. We're losing our faith. We're losing our futures. We're losing our sanity. I'm losing my foothold. I'm losing my sanity", I see this lion staring down the wolf with such intensity, letting out a roar that shakes the snow off the branches hanging above.

Shaking the old formulaic cold approach to God off and honestly seeking an authentic pursuit of Jesus and the Heavenly. That's where my mind and heart are at right now. I refuse to fall in line.

One foot in front of the other. Fall in line. One foot in front of the other.

Since day one this has been damned. We blindly follow anything that we're shown.
Open your eyes. This is a lie. Open your eyes. We're all living a lie.

Maybe we're the same. (We're not the same. We're not the same.) No, but I despise you.
(No, I despise you.) I know I'm nothing like you. (I'm nothing like you.)

One foot in front of the other. Fall in line. One foot in front of the other.

Since day one I knew this was wrong. I'm no puppet, I dance for no one.
Open my eyes. Open my eyes. Open my eyes. I refuse to live a lie.

Maybe we're the same. (We're not the same. We're not the same.) No, but I despise you.
(No, I despise you.) I know I'm nothing like you. (I don't wanna be anything like you.)

I refuse to fall in line. I refuse to fall in line... fall in line... fall in line. I refuse to fall in line.

Maybe we're the same. (We're not the same. We're not the same.) No, but I despise you.
(No, I despise you.) I know I'm nothing like you. (I don't wanna be anything like you.) Maybe we're the same. (We're not the same. We're not the same.) No, but I despise you.
(No, I despise you.) I know I'm nothing like you. (I don't wanna be anything like you.)

We're losing our footholds. We're losing our faith. We're losing our futures.
We're losing our sanity. I'm losing my foothold. I'm losing my sanity.

Never look down.

2011-05-22T07:03:00.000-07:00

This song is uplifting, not only that but it's a good reminder too. Here's to Sunday, enjoy your day folks, share the love, enjoy your family, loved ones, whoever is close.

Much Peace.

Will these walls begin to break if we go on living barely hanging by a thread?
Swallow all regret.
Take this beyond where we are now.
Learning to crawl when we fall down.
Do you know you're not alone?

Open your eyes.
Turn it around.
Never look down.

Are you listening now?
I don't want to tell you that we are sickened by the same disease.
When will we see?
Changes are made when we break down.
Whispers are heard over loud shouts.

Do you know you're not alone?
Open your eyes.
Turn it around.
Never look down.

You just don't believe like you once did.
Will you lift up your voice, don't turn away.

You finally say, I will lift up my voice, I will not run away, I will lift my voice.

Open your eyes.
Turn it around.
Never look down.

777

To the men who struggle. Chemicals.

2011-05-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

Re-reading this post I realize that the song below really doesn't offer much in the form of encouragement, it's more of a bold statement on the climate of things, or at the very least things that you and I have experienced before. That said, I enjoy sex, I thoroughly appreciate the capacity in which God made it to be good and life giving in the best possible way.

The reason I chose to write any of this is that I hope someone will be encouraged to know that you aren't alone in your struggles, no matter how severe or depraved or lost you've felt, because of what you were taught growing up or learned to accept as personal convictions perhaps, know that God intends you to experience love to the full, in a sacred, life giving way.

There is something that I can feel in my heart, a falsity that many of us have grown to accept as young adults in this day and age that I just feel is a complete, utter lie.

That true love doesn't exist.

Yes, the fairy tale love you've seen in movies and the like does not exist, people do get hurt and terrible situations within relationships seem to be dealt more often than not. The reason behind so many failed relationships is beyond me, but what lingers in my heart, the only answer that makes sense is CHOICE. Yes, what does exist is choice, the choice to love the person truly as God intends you to, through thick and thin, through the valley moments to emerge as a stronger couple. TO BE REFINED LIKE SILVER.

Not weak and defeated. I get so frustrated even with myself for losing my grip on God in times like this, because in life we reap what we sow. Forgiveness must be found even for yourself, trust me, that is another daunting, but necessary lesson to undertake.

Love does come at a cost, that cost my friend is just how willing you are to go the distance in the name of serving the other person and vice versa.

It's taken a long time for me to truly come full circle with this notion, to be a man about things and appreciate the women he has brought into my life over the years, even my own mother. I'm still trying to find sense in what is being typed here, but please understand, the woman God has blessed you with, yes, blessed you with, is something to sing back in praise to Him for, it's not something to be coveted or hoarded. There is much thanks to be given, much trust and reliance on God that is required to make this relationship work, never forget that.

If any wisdom can be offered from what I've gone through in the last couple years, please learn to fully lean on God, appreciate the blessing he has brought into your life and prayerfully lead with purpose, be decisive, know what you want and lead with the desire to bring honor to God in everything that you and your loved one pursue.

There is nothing more fulfilling than Jesus, nothing on this planet will bring you the security, the comfort or the love you're looking for outside of a breathing walk with Him. It sounds so simple and contrite to write that that it aggravates me, but maybe that's because there is unshakable Truth to that statement that rings to the core of my being, yours too perhaps.

At times it seems that only when you've lost what seems to be the most important thing in your life, whatever it be, a materialistic desire, a lifestyle, a PERSON, that is when you realize just how skewed your walk has been. It truly is a trial to find yourself in such a state of mind, a place of realization, but know that it gets better and you aren't alone. God doesn't intend to leave you sullied and abandoned on the side of the road, it's a choice at this point for all of us to close in on Him, like were so intent on doing with that focus in our life beforehand.

That said, for the longest time I never bothered to look up the lyrics to the opening song off of Chasing Victory's final album, Fiends. This song is called "Chemicals" and it's dedicated to the struggle many men face in lust, pornography, casual sex, what have you. This song specifically seems to be broad enough that it speaks into a number of these struggles, you pick and choose.

My prayer for anyone who reads this that is really being held down, whether it be Spiritually, emotionally or even physically by the weight of choices being made, whatever your vice is, whoever reads this, I pray the peace of God over you and that He would give you the strength to renounce any of these devices that the enemy is trying to use to hold you back from living a full life.

Say no, take a stand, honor the women in your life with the strength, the chivalry and the leadership that only God can equip you with. Amen.

I am the cunning prince of thieves.
I am the nagging bite of teeth.
I am the tightest skirt unraveling
And the kiss upon you cheek.

Most lies, can put a man in a woman's burning fuse.
Closed eyes, can save a man from a woman's taste of fruit.
As long as you refuse to believe in the power, of cold showers,
You'll continue to excuse the receiving end of cowards.

I swear to the few who drowned in doubt.
And I've come here to warn you,
For the ghost can see you now.

Chemicals and cannibals,
This kiss becomes medical, yeah.
Chemicals and cannibals,
Well this kiss becomes medical, yeah.

Fire up the engines.
We're getting lost in her hair.
I can smell the sulfur burning sweet sex in the air.
Adrenaline and hormones become the pendulum inside your bones.

As long as you refuse to believe in the power, of cold showers,
You'll continue to excuse the receiving end of cowards.
As long as you refuse to believe in the power, of cold showers,
You'll continue to excuse the receiving end of cowards.

Adrenaline and hormones become the pendulum inside your bones.

Chemical and cannibals,
This kiss becomes medical, yeah.
Chemicals and cannibals,
Well this kiss becomes, medical.

777

Song of the night: Withering

2011-05-21T22:57:00.000-07:00

Taken from Blindside's new album, With Shivering Hearts We Wait.

Crawling into tomorrow.

2011-05-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

The Polyphonic Spree have been one of my favorite groups for a long while now, especially their song "We Crawl". All the band members came together to create a compilation of shots from their day to day lives in order to show how they live through the mundane and the magnificent.

Driving home from the movies tonight I had this song playing loud in the car, needless to say it the lyrics are uplifting, better yet they are true.

Here's to Saturday.

~777

Sleeping Giant: Dead Men Walking

2011-05-20T13:59:00.000-07:00

I can't wait to worship with these guys one day. I'm reading through Tommy Green's book, Religio-cide, right now and it's extremely encouraging. Tommy is their lead vocalist and is not one to shy away from God's healing in our lives, it's gnarly to hear the stories that emerge from their shows, God truly moves and allows the Holy Spirit to do some wild stuff.

Can't wait, hopefully they'll be around the Tampa area sooner or later.

In the face of suffering and pain, the Lord, our justice is one.
As hell postures itself like it still reigns, the peace of heaven will come.
I am a child of God.

I see all these things- I'm broken.

The Lord, our justice is one. I bow my head to the king in submission as His words are spoken. The peace of heaven reigns. Salvation is our banner. I will not surrender to the power of darkness. All my fear has vanished in the presence of heaven. Can you feel the fire- the fire in my heart? I see dead men walking; I can’t help but prophesy.

Life- to the dead you will rise again. Life.

To the power of hell- It can’t have you, my kingdom is stronger.
Fight- you must fight. I know the weight of all the fear in life.
I know it’s easier to fade and die. But can I tell you what it is you don’t see?
There was a king who came and gave his life for all the broken ones like you and I.
It's in his sacrifice I trust and believe. Can you feel the fire- the fire in my heart?

We are dead men walking.

We were born to prophesy. In the face of all hell, watch the dead live again. All in the kingdom are redeemed from the curse with a story to tell. Watch the dead live again. Bringing salvation to all of the hurting abandoned and used.

Watch the dead live again.

All of the nations stare in amazement to watch what we do. The peace of Heaven reigns. Salvation is our banner. As we dance, can you feel the earth shake? Glory. Can you feel the glory? Glory fall. Can you feel the glory of God? Our praise, we dance before the host of heaven. All that I need is your presence, so let your glory fall. Your holy name can save us, so let your glory fall.

Lost and Found

2011-05-17T22:56:00.000-07:00

It's 1:32AM, my heart hurts, my nerves feel shot, but I am happy at the same time. Quite a weird cocktail if you ask me, but it seems to be the order most days now. Tonight at work I was dealing with a lot of emotions just racing through my heart, too much really, when naturally my thoughts went to the loss of my most recent girlfriend to choices, circumstance, life, whatever you want to call it, but most definitely a mix of different ingredients. The only thing that stopped these feelings was prayer, literally stopping in my tracks and asking God for deliverance from the wreckage, and as always, He answered.

Coming home from work I found solace kicking back while eating some dinner and watching The Matrix Reloaded on AMC, naturally the ending of this movie got my brain turning due to NEO forcefully going out of his way to rescue Trinity from free falling to her death. Swooping to her rescue he gets her in time, but not before a bullet from the Agent shooting at her enters her chest. In a climatic Superman-like feet, NEO scoops her up, whisks her away to a rooftop of a parking garage and manages to retrieve the bullet from her digital chest in a messianic fashion. This was love, not just emotions, but in action, so naturally this had me contemplating life at the same time, which in turn prompted me to come on here.

In the process of all this I bookended this Matrix experience with the latest episode of Footnote TV (FNTV). This episode delves into the realm of loss, whether it be physical, personal, mentally, you name it and the subsequent discoveries of life that stem for that loss.

Let me preface that with the disclosure that I have never experienced the loss of a parent, only grandparents at this point, and surreal is the only word that could possibly describe those losses. It's the same word that a good friend of mine recently used to describe the death of his father a week ago. Attending his father's wake was sobering, seeing Eric stand up there giving the briefest of accounts to the impact his father made on his life was touching, yet intense.

It was short and to the point.

Following Eric, one after another got up to talk about Doug, his father, and how his larger than life persona quite literally permeated through every place or person he came in contact with.

Hearing these stories got me thinking about the impact we're making now, the stories people are telling about the ones they have loved and lost every single day. When my parents are gone I know without a shadow of a doubt that they'll be partying with God. That day will be surreal with joy, because my brother and I will be the only Hopkins left capable of recounting awesome stories of what they accomplished during their brief stint of eternity here on earth.

Before I get ahead of myself, here's a link to that episode from FNTV, I hope you all enjoy it:

Lost & Found

Roaming through some taped up letters and Romans.

2011-05-16T23:29:00.000-07:00

Last night I was having a very hard time trying to fall asleep. My heart and my emotions were fixed on a situation and as a result, I was allowing the enemy to get a foothold into my thoughts, therefore diminishing any Peace whatsoever, at least for the moment.

Oddly enough at nearly 2AM I started reading The Screwtape Letters. For some odd reason I felt compelled to crack open the pages of that book before lying down and it turned out to be a humorous diversion from the worries that creeped into my mind. C.S. Lewis has a way of writing about certain obstacles in our lives very well, especially when it comes to worry, doubt and how voices can creep into your head. I managed to get through four of the books chapters, which are quite small, before finally switching over to my Bible. It's funny how we sometimes go out of our way to avoid cracking this book open.

I can't begin to tell you how many times a thought or a notion will come into my head when I contemplate reading from the Bible that instructs me to go watch a bit more AMC as I fall asleep or to crack open a book that has none of the HEALING powers found in God's word. Fascinating if you ask me, after reading those chapters from Screwtape I can see how satan really will go out of his way to make us avoid prayer or any kind of time with God if we allow ourselves to become lazy, self-assured or simply consumed with destructive thoughts.

Finally, I gave in.

I shut off my computer.

Put down The Screwtape Letters and picked up my Bible, flipping to Romans to find solace, and I did.

Reading through chapters 5 and 6, God reassured me that the law of old is gone, there is no need to become consumed with rigid rules and regulation, only to be more consumed with the fact that Christ paid the price for every stupid, selfish thing that I will ever do. Sometimes it's hard for my mind to comprehend just how much God chooses to overlook every single time we kick dirt in His face by ignoring the voice he places in our hearts, quite frankly, this bewilders me and causes much deep thought at times.

Well, my deep thought and worry for the night was squelched when reading this:

14. For Sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.

21. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of?

These two verses spoke to me deeply, not only because it helped silence the ongoing thoughts of accepting God's love, his GRACE, but just how silly I can be at times when making choices that go nowhere, choices that bring no LIFE into the current situation I'm facing.

It was this point that I set my Bible down, tucked just my feet under the sheets while holding my pillow like a safety blanket and started to pray. Every worry, every negative thought, every concern about not being good enough EVAPORATED. Complete Peace washed over me and I was able to pass out not too long after this.

Jesus is good and He delivers us from our thoughts. Tonight, that is what I'm thankful for.

Father, my friend, please heal the hearts of those who are suffering tonight, in every possible way. Amen.

~777

The Tree of Life

2011-05-14T22:48:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I'm so drawn to seeing this film, maybe it's the cinematography or the striking images? Either way, when this puppy makes it to the Tampa Theatre, bam, totally there.

50 things you are thankful for about, well, yourself.

2011-05-14T22:30:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine did this little experiment with a few of her comrades a year or so ago and in learning about their little test I thought it would be interesting to replicate it here. From what I remember it is actually quite hard to get to 50 according to her. I honestly don't remember the last time I took a minute to stand back and thank God for the person He has created in me. Most days become a hurried rush to get the day going and in the process I manage to snuff out God's voice early on much less any opportunity to express heavy thanks.

Giving thanks is important, especially to the Maker who crafted every fiber of your being. Therefore, I'm going to do my best to reach 50, even if this is a slightly awkward test.

Firstly, thank you Jesus, thank you for the fact that I'm breathing, capable of typing this out, capable of seeing the world around me and being fully cognisant of Your LOVE that attaches every last thread in me straight back to you. Thank you Jesus, thank you for making each of us uniquely individual in a way that we can joyfully rejoice in the artwork you have handcrafted. You're a gnarly Father. Much thanks, Amen.

Aesthetics

1. My blue eyes
2. Brown, wavy hair
3. Lanky, skinny legs that are somewhat muscular
4. My biceps, the only muscles on me that are pretty defined.
5. My toes, I think their pretty rad looking.
6. My feet, because they get me from A to Z and enable me to bike all over the place.
7. My teeth, simply because I never needed to get braces, woohee (never used a binky).
8. The freckles on my face and my back
9. My smile, when God's peace comes over me you know it.
10. My lips, one day my wife will fully enjoy them until the day I die. Hey, a man can pray and hope, haha.

Personality

11. I'm naturally peaceful, there really is not much that can anger me quickly.

12. Pacifist by nature, but will defend the ones I love without question.

13. I am an underdog, therefore my heart breaks for those who are made fun of.

14. Genuine: When you speak to me I am listening intently, your story means the world to me. I do my best to acknowledge the worth found in your life and what God is doing through you day in and day out, that to me is what's fascinating about any and every interaction. Be genuine even if you're just meeting a stranger for the first time.

15. Talkative: I'm hard to shut up once a good conversation starts which means I could talk to you until the sun rises if the opportunity presented itself.

16. Loving: Jesus gets full credit for everything here, but if it were not for Him creating my parents therefore allowing me to become a child of theirs, then my personality would not be the way it is today. My father and mother are two of the most loving people in the world, I hope that my kids turn out half as good as my brother and I did. Thank you mom and dad.

17. Romantic: Again, Jesus gets credit for making me the man I am today. My wife will be loved beyond measure as my second best friend. More than just feelings, feelings fade, but by action she will know and in turn I will give praise to God.

18. Humorous: There are many things that make me laugh. From the simple to the mundane, God has gifted me with a sense of humor that is at once introspective then absurd...I hope that makes sense, because it probably confuses more people than those who actually end up laughing....but when you do laugh...my day is complete.

19. Present: In type this appears to be a weird characteristic of my personality, but I know how to be by someones side and enjoy their company, even in awkward silences. This is something that I'm still gradually getting better at. This also helps in times of intense grief and consolation for a friend or someone who is severely hurting.

20. Heavy thinker: Some say this is a gift of Attention Deficit Disorder, others say it's a curse that leads to way too much introspection. Either way, some of my best thoughts and actions stem from this trait. At the same time, if not met with prayer, my mind can become a place that's not very conducive for working at times stifling when I've overburdened myself with thought. Jesus is the one who guides me through these times, straight up. The amount of times I've neglected to approach Him first before acting out on pure emotion are numerous, but I'm learning. That said, the times I've stopped, listened and learned...those are wonderful times indeed.

Talents

21. I'm a novice, sometimes great baker.

22. I can run up to 14 miles. 14 is the furthest I've gone, so who knows. This distance is essentially from my house here in Seminole to Tyrone Square Mall via the Pinellas Trail.

23. Biking: About a year and a half ago I picked up road biking. To this day I've been inspired by friends and just the city around me to ride and take in the experience. This is a talent/hobby that I hope to continue growing into.

24. Singing: With a little warm up and the proper training, haha, my voice can sound pretty decent given the right tune and octave to sing it in.

25. Making you laugh: This ties into the previous personality section, but at times I can be pretty funny, key thing here is timing though...that's hit or miss a lot of times, but that's why you keep trying! haha

26. Pottery: At one point I was taking pottery classes somewhere over in Clearwater. I still have two of my early works sitting up by a window in my room.

27. ART: My doodles can be pretty funny when I pour some thought into them. By no means am I a talented artist, but over the years I'd like to believe that my drawings have made the transition form stick figure to...well.....a few notches up from stick figuredom. :)

28. Cooking: Yet another novice talent of mine, but I've been known to whip up a mean bowl of white rice, lentil soup, pancakes and various other delights.

29. My reserve of trivial knowledge: This might not be a talent, but to me it is at times. Get me going about movies I saw as a child or anything involving film and watch the nerd inside of me unleash itself. Not sure if that's something to be thankful for, but heck, it's a part of me!

30. Bass guitar: I write this as a future talent, because there is a huge desire inside of me to pick up this instrument and start jammin' for Jesus, that's right, haha. Sounds ridiculous there, but it's truth.

Simple/Profound Things (mixing it up here, a bit o' everything)

31. My laugh
32. My heart for the poor and the incarcerated
33. A newfound desire to give more than to acquire
34. Willingness to serve, regardless of location, demography, etc. etc. etc.
35. I love kids and have great patience with them. I want a daughter and or son of my own one day.
36. Thankful that I have my father's facial features (baby face) and my grandfather's build.
37. Thankful for my mother's empathy and desire to comfort those around me as well as my father's tender nature and how it's given me a soft, often times vulnerable heart.
38. Patience, something that I have loads of, maybe sometimes too much.
39. That my parents named me Jonathan. Clark Kent's earth dad was Jonathan Kent, ever since I saw Superman: The Movie as a child I've been thankful for the fact that I wasn't named John. Keeping it classy.
40. My memory: Remembering the faintest details at times so I can somehow use it as a surprise or gift for someone down the road.

Finally, 10 things I'm thankful that God is building in me

41. A broken Spirit that daily learns to seek His face more and more.
42. The desire to see community come together to serve marginalized people.
43. Patience
44. Perseverance
45. Obedience: Learning to wait on Him and for his word in my life.
46. Boldness: Lacking fear and abounding in courage to take more leaps of faith.
47. Man of God: Sounds silly, but God is teaching me to be a man and how to take care of business now at the age of 25, I'm incredibly thankful.
48. Desire for family: As I'm getting older the value in the relationships God has blessed me with are becoming more and more apparent. I will value my family more than any treasure this earth has to offer, only Jesus tops them.
49. Spirit of willingness: Learning to be available to meet the needs of my community/church

50. People: Yes, learning to value people and the value they bring to life in so may intrinsic ways. Ways that no material thing could ever duplicate. It has taken years for me to better realize that life is comprised of the people He has placed in our path to season what ever season we're traversing.

The Weight.

2011-05-13T20:46:00.001-07:00

777

Going back to prison.

2011-05-13T20:17:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow morning my father and I are driving back out to Zephyrhills Correctional to meet up with a handful of our team in order to fellowship with our friends, the inmates, and see how we can get a strong community setting going for them. I've learned that this is customary of KAIROS to return the following week to see where our friends hearts are at, what concerns they have and where exactly does this place them in the large scheme of things.....even small scheme considering their incarcerated status.

Nevertheless this past week has been wonderful, stressful and always eye-opening to my ever growing need to lean on Jesus for everything in my life. My heart aches right now to be back at that sacred place last Sunday where Heaven collided with us all in the chapel house at ZCI. I feel sick almost, my heart is just lost without Jesus and I really don't know how to go on living without Him at this point. Every day is a new awakening it seems to find time, glorious time to be with Him outside of all the distractions the world throws my way from the moment my eyes open to take in the weight, no, the gift of life and opportunity that a new day brings forth.

"There's that word again: "heavy." Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the Earth's gravitational pull?" ~ Doc Brown

Heaviness is what my heart feels every day. It's reaching a point now where there is little joy to be found outside of God and how my life can be used to serve Him somehow. Breaking away from the religion of having a true communication with God has always been a laborious task of mine. I want my Spirit to freely approach Him, not at a set time, not out of guilt of missing the chance to talk with Him in the early AM........simply to just be in His presence and find the unescapable peace that is derived there, in the secret place. A part of me hates that phrase, it's so contrite and has been overused is so many terrible CCM songs, but the more I let that phrase, the secret place, linger in my heart the more I realize the pockets of time that God fully encounters us every single day.

Needless to say that a journal entry can go on and on about how one approaches God freely or how it is important to devise your own ascesis (a disciplined routine) to encountering Christ in your daily activities. I want to break of routines this upcoming week and spend a day just soaking in God, actively thinking on His qualities in the here and now, the tangible Earth around me that is watermarked with his stamp of Creativity.

Far too often my behavior dictates the emotional status I'm in on most days, it's hard for me to feel like I'm living right when I knowingly make bad decisions, don't we all?

Not only has this past week been a trial filled one at that, but it also marked the death of my good friends father. He passed away last Saturday, typically when you hear that someone has died the heart and the mind really don't know where to run to immediately facilitate the proper emotions for you to experience. Just a few weeks ago I learned that a gentleman from my parent's church passed away, leaving his prayer warrior of a wife and children without his affirming presence in this world. Storms have been ravaging states and families alike, but nevertheless how does the heart process all of this?

It's not until something hits really close to home for me that my emotions hit a bedrock and I begin to feel sick, like life is seeping out of my heart. Just this past Monday when I spoke to my friend over the phone about his dad dying the same weekend I was away, working with inmates, it wrecked me like nothing has in a while.

Standing in front of my workplace I paced back and forth on the phone with him offering my prayers right there and then as the only form of consolation. Upon entering work I went upstairs to our brake room and called my mother and father and began sobbing on the phone. It's surreal, the experience of loss that is, no matter how you cut it or how far away it is death will forever be an enigma that challenges the Spirit.

Thank you Jesus that we have conquered death in your name and that great PEACE is found in that victory.

It's now 11:12PM and I must be up by 4:30AM to begin the drive out to Zephyrhills in order to be at the prison gates in time to check in, be processed and set up the chapel before the inmates arrive shortly after.

My father shared with me tonight that my friend Derrick, a man I befriended last weekend, has been at the chapel every day since the team left. Derrick has been in prison for over 38 years and has known about KAIROS for the majority of his sentence but did no go until last weekend. Jesus is working in this guy big time, it makes me smile to hear just how awesome He is in delivering restoration to a Spirit that has been broken for far too long. Thank you Lord.

If anyone reads this, please keep us in your prayers, Lord, guide us tomorrow and make us vessels for your will to be done. Amen.

Goodnight folks, may Peace find you wherever you are at this evening.

777

Song of the night: Blindside - Our Love Saves Us

2011-05-09T23:23:00.000-07:00

This new song off of With Shivering Hearts We Wait has been playing through my head for weeks now. Blindside released a acoustic version, which is awesome, but I had been waiting for them to release the studio version of the song ever since I saw the trailer for this new record many months ago.

This past weekend was the culmination to many months of preparation for a visit to Zephyrhills Correctional Institute and to say that God was not present in a large way would be a lie. I have never experienced the presence of God as intensely as I did over the last four days and the inmates we were fellowshipping with felt it even more so.

Walking into a prison is never easy, but I'm thankful that God allowed the Holy Spirit to work so effortlessly through all the volunteers. There is much I could write here, but to sum up my experience I leave you with this:

God heals, miracles happen and the Holy Spirit is heavy and waiting to break through at any given moment when we approach God willingly, lovingly. Jesus is alive, He is moving through all of us 24/7 and I honestly can't wait to see where He takes my life in the years to come.

Goodnight.

777

When friends are gone I know. My saviour's love is real. Your love is real.

2011-05-02T22:36:00.000-07:00

I purchased the album "Lungs" by Florence and The Machine a good number of months ago and for a good long while it was in my car receiving heavy rotation amidst the heavier bands I typically listen to. Upon first listen her voice truly caught my ears by surprise, in an age of auto tune and club songs where female vocalists hide their lack of singing capabilities behind a wall of electronic tomfoolery Florence Welch has the pipes to produce thick, layered, beautiful songs with her voice.

Case in point, Florence's debut LP is fantastic, but what really sealed the deal for me much more so than the songs Dog Days Are Over and Cosmic Love was the final track on the album, You Got The Love. This song was originally a 1986 single by the band The Source and Candi Staton, but Ms. Welch givers her spin on the song and it is awesome.

Now how or why is this song relevant in my life at the moment? I would be lying if I were to say that every day is futile without communication with God, He is our daily meal. There are certain days where going my way or the highway becomes the flavor of the hour but in all honesty, those days are some of the roughest because I don't rely on God to get me through the day. I forge ahead on raw emotions and the crap that has happened to act as some kind of catalyst that is aggressively pushing me to move forward, to reshape myself, to "become" someone of value or of worth according to the societal or personal standards set forth by my family or even a dearly loved one at times. It's hard coming to grips with this, especially when I see friends of mine who are rocketing forward with opportunity, careers and marriage. Life seems to be figured out for them, to some extent, but not really. Nevertheless, what is it that makes life truly living?

Is it found in the waiting or are we forever bookended by the haves and have nots? The only thing that keeps me sane is God, the fact that He is able to weave in and out of our lives 24/7 acting as an ever-watching father, always ready to lend a hand, is comforting on a crazy level.

Needless to say, some days I wish that I had everything all figured out, that there was some kind of plan that would make me appear like a safe bet to women, but you know what, my life isn't there yet and it sucks some days, but that's reality, life is unfolding. Either way, I know that we all got the love to make it through the day, no matter what crappy circumstances we find ourselves in or self-created stressful scenarios, there is something brighter looming on the horizon and that my friends is always found in giving of yourself to others.

Band of the day: Sleeping Giant

2011-04-29T23:31:00.000-07:00

I Am Living: Sleeping Giant from Come&Live! on Vimeo.

One foot in and one foot back. (Community)

2011-04-29T22:14:00.000-07:00

I recently watched the movie The Beach not too long ago late one night and was really taken back by the soundtrack they used throughout the duration of the film. I love how powerful music can be in transporting you back or forward into a time where everything is at peace, if just only for a second. This particular song is just magic for me, that aside, I believe this Sunday's message at Missio is going to be on community, therefore this movie got me thinking about St. Petersburg oddly enough.

This song is used as a theme of sorts throughout the movie and finally blasts its way in during the final scene where Richard and his crew are sailing away from the island after a horrific altercation between the drug dealers who allowed them to stay there and the community's leader, Sal.

The golden rule to being allowed to stay on this island was that no one was to EVER find their way there. The initial settlers were charged with this order by the cartel living there or else they would face expulsion. Well, when silly old Richard and his European buddies show up it kind of throws everything off, for the first time ever the original community members are threatened by outsiders who could potentially soil their creation, and soil their creation they do.

Richard fails to mention that he created a carbon copy of the map and gave it to some other tourists he met in Thailand before they arrived. What transpires is a vicious cycle of mistrust, anger, seclusion, paranoia and finally, violence. The tourists from Thailand eventually make their way to "the beach" and unfortunately for them the cartel catches them in the act, slaughtering them in the process. Richard witnesses this and returns to the community moments before the cartel arrives, hot on his track.

Everyone is faced with a choice: Either they all leave or someone from the group must willingly take an outstretched handgun being offered to them and kill Richard.

It's at this point that Sal with all of her jaded pretenses towards keeping the community alive at any cost grabs the gun and pulls the trigger, only centimeters away from Richard's forehead. Much to her bemusement the chamber was not loaded, what rang louder than any gunshot was her tenacity in sacrificing a human life to keep her slice paradise up and running.

As the community witnesses this horror point blank, quite literally, they begin screaming, shouts of despair are emitted just before they scurry away, never to return. Only thing is, Sal, stubborn to the very end crumbles to the ground, shocked that her world had been invaded and conquered.

The reason I use this movie as some odd parable for the city of St. Petersburg is that I'm incredibly grateful for the invaders, our friends on the streets. Much like Richard and the tourists from the beach, they are the individuals who make St. Pete's botched attempt at paradise unsustainable. Now, I don't want to come off sounding like improving my home city is a bad thing, on the contrary, I'm all for better use of existing landmarks, not at the cost of human dignity though.

The faces of the people featured in that video above pretty much sum up how I envision our city officials looking at their ongoing fight with the homeless. There needs to be a unified, creative movement that addresses the already existing facilities that serve our friends from the streets. There needs to be continual Concrete Solution meetings here in St. Pete, even at Missio.

We are privileged individuals, this much is true, let us remain prayerfully mindful of the beach that has been given to use and the inhabitants who truly make it a community worth sustaining, serving and most of all, ushering God's love into. I look forward to seeing what the next few years have in store for St. Petersburg, as well as how my life is going to play into any of this, big or small, God willing.

Worried and Spent (Come and Live! article)

2011-04-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

This was originally posted on the Come and Live! website. Today, Friday, they sent it out as part of their Fast Friday series of emails, I hope someone reads this and is encouraged.

As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

But the Lord said to her:
“My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10: 38-42, NLT)

Here is this Mary VS. Martha paradigm. Some say, “I’m a Martha,” or others boast, “I’m a Mary,” especially as it pertains to relational proximity to Jesus. The first thing we should not do is imply that God’s love – manifested through Jesus – was directionally aimed more at Mary than it was at Martha. This is not what the passage says. Jesus does not say that He loves Mary more (or less) than Martha. It’s sometimes easy when we experience those great Mary days of spiritual life. Those days where we “feel” ever near to the beating heart of Jesus, where we know we are loved and we are His beloved, to allow (if we’re not careful) a bit of pride to creep in. Pride creeps when we perceive our value as a little extra special, loved just a bit more than some….maybe most. This is sad and dangerous. Prideful thoughts imply that those believed to be further from God are less loved. Nothing could be farther from the truth. WE are loved. ALL of us collectively loved. “For God so loved the WHOLE world…..that He gave his only Son”, right? Simple love that we would simply love. Our feelings or perceptions of others can be weapons of untold danger if not aligned to the good will of God. Let’s love!

Mary personalities ought to be aware of how pride loves to hang around, especially in the area of comparing our spiritual journeys with others. Martha personalities ought to be aware of how envy trips us. The truth is that we can’t all be the hands and we can’t all be the feet. Collectively, we are the Body! Each member making up his or her part of Christ’s bride. It should liberate us to know that God has made each of us unique, special, set apart – for tasks and works that bring great glory to His name. This does not mean that we ought all to be in identical mission fields, passions or work environments. The world is wide and the Gospel was always designed with global in mind. Our personalities were made unique to occupy every corner of this globe with a representation of the kingdom.

Disclaimer aside, there is a clear lesson to learn with Mary & Martha, one that could even change our Christian walk.

Martha welcomed Jesus in. Without her, Mary would not have had this opportunity of proximity with the King. Martha was on a first-name basis with Jesus, even-though she became more concerned that Jesus would set her sister straight. It’s incredibly important to realize that Jesus treats Martha with dignity and warmth – all the while pointing out her distracting fault. Jesus knew how to confront in love, bringing attention to the need for change, without killing dignity (Exception: Teachers of the Law). Martha’s concern was cooking. Preparing. Treating Jesus to a wonderful meal. Having her sister step away from Jesus, returning to hosting duties. I wonder if much of the western/American church might be doing the same to those coming too close to the Christ. Our own insecurities, lack of faith, envy, or shallow intimacy with the Christ, can be conveyed as condemnation towards those willing and desiring to take bold love risks for and with Jesus. Where the church, or any believer, operates on fear – opposition to a Spirit of liberty is likely lurking.

One of the ways God spoke to me about fear was in November of 2008. I had recently put in my notice with Tooth & Nail and knew I was going into full-time ministry. I had recently purchased a home in Nashville (on T&N – not missionary salary) and fixed it up (with credit cards – not cash). My first thought? What a fool I am. Why did I buy a home when we could have just rented? Why did I use plastic debt to fix it with? You Fool! Condemnation closes in quickly. I determined to solve my problems. I would sell the house and be done with it. We could downgrade to a tiny rental somewhere. I quickly began work on the home. In that first day of working to prep the home for sale (Martha) I heard (Mary) the still small voice of the Lord. This is what He said; “If you sell your house, or make any move based on fear, I will not honor it.” Ouch. He then reminded me to trust Him. I put down my tools and slowly went to work on trusting Jesus. It’s been a long, rarely easy road, but it’s now been 27 months of watching God provide for our home and living situation. He is trustworthy. A house is a house. The value is not in the keeping of a possession amidst a risky move to trust God, but in the willingness to go when God tells us too, regardless of what might be in the way.

Mary chose the better portion. She neglected common, practical house-hold duties, favoring instead the opportunity to be nearer to Jesus. To sit at His feet, hanging on the Words He spoke. Martha welcomed Him in and desired to provide for His earthly needs. We ought not underplay the practical. The premium, however, is in discovering a world of intimacy with the Savior. Forever and ever. A conversation with Him who is seated on the right hand of God and on the throne of every believer’s heart. Let’s go after Him with everything. He deserves our time. He is worth burning a meal over. When He comes to visit you in your day, make space for Him. Stop what you are doing, hang up your chores or your priorities, and get time with the Eternal One. He desires a relationship. A two way street. Speaking and hearing. Give heed to His voice.
Our culture is mostly rooted and founded on the notion that our days must be jam-packed with an assortment of functions, events, opportunities, requirements, all in an effort to feel good about who we are. We make a terrible mistake when our assumption is serving Jesus best by checking every task off our list. Jesus does desire to dine with us. Revelation 3:20 says so. But He want us to be MOST concerned about hearing His voice, spending time with Him, loving not the things of the world but His every word.

If you are having a hard time “hearing” from God, spending daily time in His Word and believing His promises of love – we would like to pray this prayer over you:

Heavenly Father, dear King and friend Jesus, please speak to each of Your children and open their ears to hear. Your sheep know Your voice. Teach us to hear. Teach us to spend time with you. Help each of us to wake up earlier or stay up later, just to talk with You. Forgive us for caring more about the concerns of this world than eternally valuable time with You. Speak and we will listen. Teach us to be still and know that You are God. We pray for opportunities this week to be Your hands and feet. To love You and others with a burning zeal that can not be easily quenched. More of You in each of these readers. More boldness, more courage, more faith, more love, more joy. Rejoicing always! Help us to drop our worries and to stop being upset by the ways in which you seek to disrupt our schedules and our routines. Take us deeper. Bring us higher. We want You!

- Chad Johnson

We can be Heroes, just for one day. We can be us, just for one day.

2011-04-26T23:42:00.000-07:00

My brother and I used to fall asleep to the Godzilla: Motion Picture Soundtrack quite often back in middle school. Needless to say this song was the only good thing that emerged from that semi-good yet semi-awful film from 1998. I would look forward to Jordan firing up the cd-player we had late at night just so I could pass out to this song.

For some reason hearing someone sing "I wish you could swim like the dolphins" made me feel incredibly peaceful very quickly. I guess it's envisioning yourself swimming through the water at an incredible rate that soothed my senses, then again, back in middle school I had my first major crush on a girl that completely went nowhere (cue worlds smallest violin). I would imagine dancing with some future girlfriend to this song, ha, not sure why I'm writing this, but it's late and this song is relaxing me once more.

At the end of the day it was a song like "Heroes" that uplifted my spirit quite a bit. I'm sure you all had a tune like this back in the day.

That said, this song never fails to make become nostalgic and hopeful all at once. To that extent I am sorry David Bowie, you're version is one-upped by Dylan Jr in every possible way. This live version in particular, even though it's a poor TV recording, is amazing. There's a part of me that wishes I could see The Wallflowers perform this one day, but odds are they probably never will play this song haha. One can foolishly hope!

I, I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim
Though nothing, nothing will keep us together
We can beat them, for ever and ever.

We can be Heroes, just for one day.

I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing, nothing will drive them away
We can be Heroes, just for one day
We can be us, just for one day

I, I remember standing, by the wall
And the guns, shot above our heads
And we kissed, as though nothing could fall
And the shame, was on the other side
Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever

Then we could be Heroes, just for one day

We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
Just for one day

Song of the night: Storms

2011-04-26T22:12:00.000-07:00

My brother shared this song with me earlier tonight and I must say that it didn't completely annoy the crap out of me like I was expecting it to. I really don't have much faith in Christian music these days, but, with Shawn Mcdonald I think an exception can be made. That and he won me over simply with the fact that Josh Garrels shares vocals on one of his songs from this album.

If you don't listen to Josh Garrels yet I highly suggest checking out the albums All Creatures and Jacaranda.

Not only that but this song sounds great blasting from your car speakers with some bass behind it.

It's too late to pry away.

2011-04-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

Underoath - Paper Lung from Tiago vendetta on Vimeo.

Underoath's newest music video for the song, Paper Lung, is quite possibly one of the best videos I've seen in years. There's something about the HD-video quality in this video that strikingly creates a visual style they've never achieved before in previous video treatments. The imagery it creates lends a hand in buffering the already bleak, atmospheric tone of the song which I dig a lot.

I hope some of you out there enjoy this as much as I do. Their new album hasn't been as warmly received as the others and for some reason that bothers me, but at the same time I can see why. I wrote a long review of this album on a tumblr account a few months ago before shutting it down and wish I had it here, but to put it simply:

Disambiguation is a hard album to digest, lyrically, sonically and even thematically. It's their bleakest album to date, the reason I think so many don't like it, but it is almost their most brutally honest one as well.

I received this album literally as my final gift from a previous relationship I was in, to say the album title would be indicative of the months to follow would be a drastic understatement. To this day even I struggle listening to it all the way through, not because the music suffers in quality throughout its duration, but because of the emotions the lyrics dredge up in me.

One might ask, "then why willingly suffer every time you pop this CD in?"

My response, even in the darkest times of our lives God is teaching us to take the mistakes me we make, the blunders that try in their darkest attempts to define our character, and learn how to handle situations better next time.

A friend said this to me just yesterday:

"It's never being free of mistakes that make great men great, it's what they do after they've made them."

I don't think a more encouraging word from God could have been shared through a friend, seriously.

This music video reminds me that it's literally too late to pry away from the life I've created. The only thing to do is to move forward positively with the confidence and the courage from God to be a man who let's my character speak via my actions.

That is all, haha, hope you all have a great night and I hope that this video and or message encourages someone out there.

God bless, much Peace. ~777

Team SoCal in the desert, a video accompaniment to the previous post.

2011-04-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

HAPPY EASTER! LOVE, SOCAL from amy vait on Vimeo.

Goodness, such great people and even better memories.

777

1 year ago today, spending Easter in the desert of California.

2011-04-24T14:05:00.000-07:00

It is crazy to think that this time last year I was in the desert celebrating Easter with some of the most kind people I've ever had the chance to befriend. Spending Easter morning with the folks of Slab City was one of the most unique occasions of my life and one day I hope to travel back there for an extended period of time.

Not only that, but Salvation Mountain, which should be a national monument, is right next door to Slab City. We had the chance to meet Leonard, the kind man who built and continues to add on to the mountain of clay, while exploring the giant work of art.

All in all, there is much to be said and quite honestly I'd rather tell you in person than write everything up here. There's so much that happened while I was gone with Invisible Children that it becomes difficult to even put it into words, even on a blog. Call it laziness or just a desire to share a story in person, if you know me and want to hear more, let's talk over a pop, a beer, whatever. I'd love to hear more about your life, travels, blunders and whatnot. That said, It truly was a blessing, I've said that time and time again but touring with Invisible Children was an incredible gift and a difficult process of learning the ins and outs of your innermost, darkest quirks as well as just how far you can go in lovingly serving others.

At any rate, here are some photos that give a glimpse into what we encountered out in the desert:

Good memories indeed, California is a beautiful state with a lot of different, unique locales to visit. I'm very fortune to have met Ronald, Amy, Christina, Jolly and Garrett, my teammates with whom I toured with. Easter weekend was different that year, being out in desert, one of God's many creations, was incredible. It's hard to describe the way we all felt that morning, but waking up at the crack of dawn from the library we slept in was well worth it to see the sunrise and while wading in a natural hot spring.

He is risen, happy Easter my friends, enjoy the rest of your day.

777

A portrait of Christ.

2011-04-24T13:17:00.000-07:00

I wish there was a massive poster of this that I could purchase and place on a wall in my room. I think it would be cool to have this staring down on me, reminding me of Jesus' universal, global nature, not just the Americanized version I'm blasted with all the time.

A Portrait of Christ from Jeremy Cowart on Vimeo.

Today's Easter service at Missio was quite good, the worship was beautiful. I'm so thankful for God's presence and the way he makes me move, I love it. I can't wait to start playing music for Him, that will be a gnarly day indeed, Jesus, thank you for today and how you cleansed us all in an Instant from sin.

Sharing the resurrection story with the kids was awesome as well, I got to dress up like some kind of old prophet, wig, beard and flowing cloak, it was hysterical and the children were pretty captivated too, totally worth it.

Love you all, be blessed and share much Peace with everyone around you today and always.

777

Band of The Day: Bellarive

2011-04-21T13:31:00.000-07:00

Hailing from Orlando, FL, and if memory serves, they are also the primary band behind "Status", a young-adult/multi-generaitonl congregation that meets in downtown Orlando on Sunday nights. Bellarive is one of those bands that gets it, their music is layered, beautiful and filled with raw emotion. The energy, dare I say passion, behind the music is made evident here in the music video for their new song, "Sing":

This song was used as a launching point for their new site, which in all honesty, I recommend you watch the music video here for the desired full effect:

www.bellarive.com

The funny thing is I was not interested in these guys, and gal, at all until hearing this new song. They along with many other bands who are embracing music as a raw, true extension of their worship, just pull you in with what's put on display. The sheer intensity behind the music video is what drew me in and I have been playing their debut for the better part of this week.

Their debut-Ep, "The Being Human Project...Start Listening" was made available as a free download from the ministry/record label, Come and Live!, which it too can be found here:

www.comeandlive.com/home

There's not enough that can be said about Come and Live!, please go explore their site, take in the music that has been made readily available to everyone as a free gift, that or you can choose to make a donation to support these bands, and enjoy. Let the Spirit lead you, listen and love on those who are giving their all to praise God through music.

My favorite band, Showbread, left their original label to join up with Chad and offer their music as well as their previous tour entirely free to those who desire to partake. Yeah, tell me that's not cool?

All in all, bands like Bellarive along with many others who are now appearing on the musical frontline, simply get it. I don't know if that makes any sense, but, when I listen there's something special going on and it can be felt in my bones.

I don't know about any of you out there, but, Christian art, especially music, needs to be relevant, not mundane. That opens up a whole other conversation, but for now, please go enjoy Bellarive and check out Come and Live!.

Thanks and much Peace. ~777

A good footnote to your day

2011-04-19T23:01:00.000-07:00

Earlier tonight I found a wonderful website that produces an even cooler TV show which airs online, it's called Footnote TV and their show is the cats pajamas.

Here's the website: http://www.fntv.com

Here is a article that I read on Relevant's website discussing Christian art, specifically bad art that needs to have creativity injected into it:

How to respond when Christians make art that's just bad.

“Do you think we’re going to make it?” I asked Brad from the backseat. We had just dropped a porn star off at her family’s trailer and were now driving a rented minivan through the back alley maze of downtown Los Angeles on a rainy January night, trying to find a place to eat. Brad, the only one of us who had any experience in managing LA traffic, was in the front seat with my friend Jon. Jon’s wife and I were in the backseat, and we were all interested in Brad’s answer. Because he was also the only one of us with any experience in making television.

“I don’t know,” he said, while the wipers squeaked. “I really don’t. The show is good, but so many Christians …” Here he paused for a second to look at the map. We were lost.

“So many Christians are just addicted to the same old crap.”

* * *

Before Los Angeles and the television show, I was just another artsy Christian in a cool Chicago church, blogging furiously about the desperate state of faith-based art in America. I was newly graduated and as well-versed in Rob Bell as I was in Radiohead. I had gone to a Bible college just conservative enough to make me a cynic by senior year, and I had seen just enough interesting films to give me an insufferably “unique” perspective on religious art.

Christian art was too simplistic, too willfully ignorant of the world’s suffering. It was too eager for happy endings and warm sentiment, too ready to resolve any conflict with a Bible verse and a Sinner’s Prayer. Christian art was clichéd and airbrushed, afraid to show sin in all its distressing aesthetic glory. It was black and white. It was intolerant. It was ethnocentric. It was one-dimensional. It was cheesy. It was prone to misguided attempts at being vaguely “edgy.” It was childish. It was boring. And, above all, a lot of it was just plain stupid

Now, although I stand by a lot of those criticisms, I’m no longer convinced that having them makes me any sort of Christian art prodigy. But a few years ago, when I and a group of my friends were given the chance to make some faith-based art of our own—specifically, to create a spiritually in-tune television show—didn’t think it’d be too hard.

As the show’s writer, I figured all I would have to be is real and authentic and relevant, and from there, it would virtually write itself. That was actually the plan: travel the country finding interesting stories and tell them honestly. It was the opposite of the canned religious format. We wouldn’t be afraid of messy endings; we’d make nothing off limits; and we’d just see where God showed up in the thing. We called it Footnote, bought a few cameras and took to the streets, confident that the revolution had begun and we were its George Washington.

It’s nothing new for the generation with the freshest diplomas to think it has some secret wisdom on how to fix the world’s problems. And it may not be new for them to do it with my brash arrogance either, although I don’t know about that. But I do know (now) that jumping in with all the answers means making a lot of mistakes.

I’m starting to think that my snarky disregard for the art that came before me wasn’t much better than those Christian Summer Camp bonfires they used to have for Slipknot and Wu-Tang Clan CDs. I was trashing somebody else’s work simply because it didn’t square with my idea of spirituality. It’s not like I don’t have good reasons to do so (those camp leaders may have had some of their own) but scathing blogs about the sad state of religious programming and late-night dorm room chats about what a disaster the Left Behind movie was don’t take into account that idle criticism is at least as trite and simplistic as bad art, not to mention much lazier.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t criticize bad art when we see it. On the contrary, I wish more people would do so. What I’m trying to do is put an end to the backseat driving: the imagining that we could fix all this if someone would just listen to us. I might have some good ideas, but if all I ever do is wonder why the people behind Fireproof can’t get it right, then I’m like an overweight Colts fan screaming at Peyton Manning to throw the ball harder. The only thing easier than doing a bad job is criticizing it.

And that’s what I found out when we went to make a television show—our raw, honest television show that presented spirituality in an authentic way. It wasn’t easy at all. At times, it was impossible.

In fact, the first time we sat down to watch the first cut of our pilot episode, we hated it so much that we cried. And although we eventually created something that we’re very proud of, it took a lot more than we thought it would. Frankly, it took more than we thought we had. More money, more time, more talent, more energy, more creativity and more patience. And there were times when I looked back over all the old Christian movies and television shows that used to so unfailingly trigger my gag reflex and found myself wondering, “How on earth did they do it?”

And I won’t say that there aren’t still certain books or television shows that don’t make my eyes roll so hard they’re in actual danger of popping out from my head. But I no longer see them as the enemy. My enemy is despair, boredom and cruelty. My enemy is apathy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend, however out of touch or clichéd I might find them to be. And together, we’ll get this Christian Art thing to work. Somehow.

Tyler Huckabee is the head writer for Footnote, which will be airing on WGN this fall. He’s also a regular contributor to Stereo Subversion, Tandem and tinkers around on a blog.

I just watched the episode "Belong" and was beginning to watch one entitled "NSFW", but alas, time is ticking and I have a double shift at work today....16 hours to be exact.....oy, I can't wait for Friday to roll around. Hope you all enjoy the episodes on FNTV, the one on community was quite refreshing. My desire to play the bass guitar has not diminished whatsoever, my soul yearns to to play the chord that resonates back creatively to my Father.

~777

Beggars

2011-04-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

Monday nights continue to be special. There truly is a gravity that pulls me towards Missio Dei as well as my friends on the streets of St. Petersburg. Serving them and hearing the stories behind each and every person's life thus far has been an incredible blessing that I would not trade for anything else in this world. There is healing to be found in His name and these people, our brother and sisters who we serve weekly, are vehemently being swept under the rug by people every day, especially the people in charge of St. Pete. It would appear to them that all hope is lost when they are treated like creatures instead of human beings.

Every week this is beginning to grow more and more personal, even attending Concrete Solutions this past Saturday brought to light just how demonized the homeless have become. It also brought to my attention the incredible lengths certain individuals and groups here in town and elsewhere are going to in order to breathe creative ways into serving them.

There is much hope and I refuse to be discouraged by what Orlando's movers and shakers decided on just recently. Even if St. Petersburg receives such legislation in the near future to put a stop to public feeding (makes them sound like animals), I can guarantee you that people will not stop serving and loving on the poor.

If anyone reads this or cares to pray for what's transpiring in our city, please read Psalm 142 and make that your prayer for the homeless of St. Pete.

To the city of St. Petersburg and its officials, this song goes out to you:

All you great men of power, you who boast of your feats -
Politicians and entrepreneurs.
Can you safeguard your breath in the night while you sleep?
Keep your heart beating steady and sure?
As you lie in your bed, does the thought haunt your head
That you’re really, rather small?
If there’s one thing I know in this life: we are beggars all.

All you champions of science and rulers of men,
Can you summon the sun from its sleep?
Does the earth seek your counsel on how fast to spin?
Can you shut up the gates of the deep?
Don’t you know that all things hang, as if by a string,
O’er the darkness - poised to fall?
If there’s one thing I know in this life: we are beggars all.

All you big shots that swagger and stride with conceit,
Did you devise how your frame would be formed?
If you’d be raised in a palace, or live out in the streets,
Did you choose the place or the hour you’d be born?
Tell me what can you claim? Not a thing - not your name!
Tell me if you can recall just one thing,
That’s not a gift in this life?

Can you hear what’s been said?
Can you see now that everything’s grace after all?
If there’s one thing I know in this life: we are beggars all.

777

Our Deteriorating Incline

2011-04-18T13:30:00.000-07:00

Jesus, save us from living the same cycle over and over.

We will take for better because I declare it is not going to get much worse, only that much better. We swallow our own pride and then ACCEPT DEFEAT.

Every day we, you, I wake up and there is an anchor of weight hanging inside of us that reaches to the farthest depths of known comprehension. Only Jesus knows how to cut the cord which is holding you down on the ocean floor.

Swallow your pride, accept defeat and embrace the Joy around you by uplifting someone else.

Concrete Ideas

2011-04-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

Today was pretty awesome, it was refreshing to sit amongst a bunch of people from our community who truly understand the need to stir the conversation pot and discover new ideas in reaching out and redefining what it means to be servants to our friends on the streets.

My favorite thing from today was discussing how language can be used to further demonize or, as we all hope, to redefine the word homeless with other terms. Not only that, but also realizing how language can be used as a weapon amidst crazy times right now where the city is preparing to outlaw the time we spend with our friends by banning any kind of meal sharing. Orlando has apparently already squared away their deal to end such activities and it's only a short matter of time before St. Pete's city council sits and votes on this same topic.

Long story short, I love serving my friends, they aren't homeless bums, they are people who I'm coming to love more and more every single week we go down to St. Pete on Monday nights with the folks from Eckerd and Missio.

Something felt right today, even if concrete solutions weren't reached nor the launch of a unified front to work together, I still feel that people are starting to see the larger picture at play here. It is time that all of our paradigms changed towards sharing, giving and loving more with what we have.

Understanding the course of things and making a choice.

2011-04-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

Today has been pretty interesting. I woke up this morning/early afternoon (I know, improving this bad sleep routine) sensing something was not right, which in turn, lead to a conversation that ended up being really really off base and not at all what I was expecting shortly after waking up. Typically, it's only in the aftermath of such an event that I scratch my head and then search my heart to see how love, or even God's peace, entered into that conversation or anything that lead up to it.

Something I'm beginning to understand is certain ways, yes, ways, that God speaks to me from time to time. One of these avenues He takes is a sense of overshadowing uncertainty, a unease in the pit of my stomach that washes over me in the course of making a quick, or rash decision.

**Edit - I wanted to point out that God is NOT the author of confusion. I feel like the above statement comes off sounding like that, which obviously is not my intent. What I feel He does at times is warns us about our own stupidity and the rash choices we're about to make with feelings of uncertainty, or as some might call it, your conscience kicking in.

This morning was one of those times where I literally felt a warning, an unease of sorts, towards picking up the phone and making an ultimately, fruitless call on my part. Instead of holding back and just listening to God, I chose to have a conversation that could have been averted or at the very least handled more succinctly. In the end it escalated into confusion, annoyance and misunderstanding. Before making this phone call I had the chance to pray over the way I was feeling, but instead opted to act quickly on these feelings and ignore my better judgment, I am now once more painted as crazy, as someone who honestly doesn't now what he is doing. You know what, that's ok.

As one could say, it's now all water under the bridge.

As Jon Foreman would say in the song Dare You To Move: "Today never happened...."

It pains me to a great extent to see something that started so wonderfully fall apart and result in a conversation like the one from earlier today. I honestly feel blindsided and don't understand any of this anymore.

The only thing I do understand: The more I try to heal things, the more I try to remain a fixture, the more problems seem to arise.

Thankfully, I did make the smart decision of getting out of the house and keeping myself active today. I drove down to USF St. Pete where I met an old friend, proceeded to work out correctly and had the most intense workout to I've experienced to date. Following said workout I rode around St. Pete for another 30 minutes or so on the good ol' bike and ended my workout at the Tropical Smoothie at the Bayshore medical facility. All in all it was a very good time exercising that enabled me to de-stress a good deal.

Long story short, after hanging out with my friend Sara tonight and enjoying some very good eats at the Black Mesa Cantina downtown, I came home and read this on the front page of Relevant. Call it timing, call it God trying to say something to me or call it Relevant's oversaturation of dating/marital articles, haha:

"Breaking up is hard to do."

I don’t know about you, but I wholeheartedly believe that the title of this song holds some serious weight. Breaking up is really hard to do. For those of us who have experienced the thrills of dating, we know that it also comes with some of the most heartbreaking and difficult moments life has to offer.

Breaking up is hard to do because the very nature of dating asks of us to give a part of ourselves into the hands of another. We give our time, our money and, most importantly, our hearts. Our emotions are more valuable than we often give them credit for—and any of us who have given them away know how difficult it can be to get them back.

For those of you who may find yourselves in the aftermath of a breakup, the prospect of picking up the phone and reconnecting will be looming overhead. But before you dial that number, be sure to take some of these points into consideration.

Breaking up is hard to do, but it’s an important part of healthy independence, especially when one finds themselves in a relationship that has the potential to cause more harm than good. Many times, a break-up is a sign that something isn’t the way it should be. It can be our healthy signal that it’s time to take a serious look at the relationship we are in and ask ourselves if it’s really worth investing more, or if God may be calling us to let go.

Some things to consider in wading through these serious and potentially life-altering questions:

Relationships ARE what they ARE. It may sound simple, but the profound yet simple truth in this statement is one that I see time and time again from brokenhearted couples who enter my office. The reality is, the building blocks that make up your relationship before you get married are the very things you can expect to see in your relationship after you say “I do” and for the rest of your lives. Personality quirks, communication styles, emotional temperaments—These are things that are built into the very fibers of who we are. Change is possible, but frankly, it’s not probable.

People have a tendency to believe that things will change as the relationship progresses. “Maybe she’ll lose her anger once she realizes how committed I am to her.” “Maybe he’ll stop flirting and pay attention to me when I am his wife.” “Maybe we will learn to talk to each other in a positive way once we are married.” Unfortunately, the likelihood of major changes is slim to none.

Marriage is like a pressure cooker. It magnifies and intensifies anything you put inside, whether the ingredients are good, bad or ugly. In fact, one thing I tell my clients who enter premarital counseling is this: Take all the things you love and all the things you dislike about this person, and then multiply them by 10. Because essentially, that is the “multiplication factor” of marriage.

Have the underlying issues been resolved? Sounds obvious, but the reality is that this is the reason why the same couples are breaking up time and time again.

Issues are not resolved just because you have said “I’m sorry.” They are not resolved with a simple “I miss you” or the promise of an “I love you.” Although these are all wonderful things to say- simply saying them does not mean it’s time to get back together.

For many couples, sweet words are enough to sweep away issues rather than taking a good hard look at the problems that need to be faced. Just because he bought you flowers doesn’t mean he’s dealt with his pornography addiction. Just because she wrote you a sweet note doesn’t mean she’s changed her priorities in life. Making up can be a wonderful thing, but only if the things that separated you have been dealt with and changed. Otherwise, you are right back on that never-ending roller coaster.

Ask yourself, “Is this relationship one that builds, encourages and edifies me?” In my personal opinion, couples who break up more than once should probably come to terms with the truth that they are not in an uplifting, encouraging and edifying relationship. A relationship that works for a lifetime is not filled with confusion, fear and doubt. A relationship that works doesn’t mingle with the drama of mistrust, criticism and infidelity. A relationship that works is not one in which you have to try and “win them back”, or one where you have to be something that you are not.

Healthy relationships by their very nature build up those who are in them, that leave you a better person at the end of the day. Healthy relationships are ones where you can say no to codependence because they leave room for you to be yourself. In fact, you become your BEST self. You are loved as you are. In essence, healthy relationships are those that resemble the love of Jesus, a love that was communicated through every single action.

In Scripture, 1 Corinthians 13 has been called the “love chapter.” It’s no coincidence that it gets quoted time and time again at weddings, the day a man and woman stand before God in a lifelong covenant of unity. But it would do us well to take a look at the words of this verse long before the wedding day. It would do us well to reflect on this kind of love that speaks through actions and ask ourselves if our dating relationship reflects these things. If the answer is no, it may be time to just let go.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

***Edit- After re-reading this article today as well as the scripture it really hits home hard. I honestly blame myself a lot for the pitfalls and the blunders our relationship experienced, but at the end of the day, when all is said and done, I know that as Alyssa's friend I would still do anything for her in the drop of a hat. This thought washed over me at work today, no matter what the circumstance is right now, I'll always be a friend. Learning to love, always, through my actions and realize that words are paper thin are two lessons that my heart continually needs to be re-taught, daily. Thank you Lord for your mercy and understanding in seeing us all go through the motions every day, not giving our best when you do time and time again.

God is truly challenging me to let go, let her live and for me to refine my own plight before even fathoming tackling a serious relationship. The old saying of being able to love yourself, what your life is about and what you stand for as being paramount before loving another can take place seems quite true these days.

In trying to remain constant with my feelings I've managed to do more harm than good at this point it seems. This is something very difficult to process, even when certain choices you make which appear to be coming from a humble place appear not so noble. At the end of all this, seeing a friendship wither is something on par with emotional death for me. I have never experienced love like this before with a woman, therefore coming down from such an experience is like learning how to walk again, how to forge ahead with confidence.

That sounds a bit intense, maybe even melodramatic to some, but hey, that's life. Tell me how you would feel losing someone after 3 years of honest, true friendship. My writing here, even my complaints seem trite and overplayed, we've all experienced loss and our brothers/sisters in Japan have endured immeasurable loss recently. That's something that continues to slap me in the face every time I become vexed with this whole situation. There is so much hurt in the world, even our own city, that the simple fact of reveling in hurt like this seems futile and personally self destructive at times.

With time I know a friendship of some kind will be possible, no matter what it looks like.

I need to understand God's timing, more importantly how to desire him MORE. To let go, move forward with school, embrace friendship and see where this all goes as the only sensible path.

For now, it is the end of this particular story.

Thank you to anyone and everyone who has prayed for us, for me, leant an ear or sat with me as I've talked about this incessantly for months on end now. I know there is more to life than relationships, but it can be one of the most difficult terrains to navigate as the above author so eloquently stated.

"Its time to restart
Reassemble what's left of my body
Pick me up and walk away

Uproot the anchor
Walk right out the door

I'll change for the better
It can't get much worse
I'll swallow my own pride
And then accept Defeat."

Complete surrender.

our Love saves us.

2011-04-12T23:34:00.000-07:00

This song pretty much sums up where my head and heart is right now.

Save us, save us, now.

777

Chivalry, learning to how to embrace it once more.

2011-04-09T17:47:00.000-07:00

There are times where I think my manners and the way I've conducted myself within a relationship this past year all point towards me being not quite the guy I thought I was staring at in the mirror every morning.

I honestly don't know how to move past what's going on right now, well, actually I do, God. Sounds like a contrite answer being written there, but it's true, the only way I'm going to be able move past this current moment, this season of complete confusion, is entire reliance on God. Saying this over and over it doesn't seem to seep into my thick skull, but day after day it is gaining momentum, the Truth of it all is barreling down upon me.

These last few days have been brutal, peaceful, anxious yet serene and the descriptive list goes on. My mind is still engrossed by what I've done to a wonderful woman and reading stuff, more specifically, tweets from Enitan Bereola, I realize that chivalry still reigns inside me and despite circumstances dictating various aspects of this past year, life goes on and love reigns. The desire to pursue myself in a healthy fashion while discovering what God has fashioned me into thus far needs to continue, not recede.

I refuse to be mastered by anything, but it's painfully difficult to let go of someone you love so much. There are parts of me that feel rotten for allowing such confusion, such opinions and such actions to enter into this relationship, but at the end of this all I see the lesson God is trying to teach, at least a fragment of it now.

Approach Him first, always. Don't run to your friends for opinions and or advice that will only make things more complicated. Earnestly seek Jesus' opinion then reconvene with the woman you love. If you must seek the opinions of a friend, go to those select few who's words overflow with wisdom. I'd even go far to cautiously say, that at this point, seeing how most of us are in our early to mid-twenties, not even our own parents should dictate to as heavy as a degree as they once did in the past. I feel bold, maybe out of place writing that, but echoing the thoughts of our parents can seriously muddle things up and weaken a bond you share with someone.

Granted, what I say about parents is all within the context that this is not a terribly unhealthy relationship you're in. I feel weird writing commentary on this, I am by no means Bereolaesque, but my experience in two rather lengthy relationships have given me a sprinkling of insight, not a massive amount.

That said, by allowing all of these variables to dominate my daily thoughts I lost track of everything, especially how to approach God first then serve the woman most dear to me. He is a jealous God, I was reminded me of this fact the other day. He is quick to love, very slow to anger, but always mindful of the relationship we hold first with Him. In a lot of ways I feel like I have left Him in a car amidst sweltering summer heat, with the doors locked and a deaf ear turned to His loud pleas for me to embrace Truth and SLOW DOWN enough so his voice can be heard above all of the mess that I was creating.

Things are changing, my relationship with Jesus is changing. 777

Realization: Circumstances, if prayerfully vacant, will destroy self confidence and allow confusion to misguide your life. Sounds obvious, but only in retrospect does it now make sense more than ever.

Truth: I am not a bad man, on the contrary, I'm very grateful for the man Jesus has shaped me into. He doesn't make junk and no matter how much the enemy is trying to drag me down into into the mud and mire of deceit, I have a TON to offer. I am not a one note kind of guy and my heart is not easily given away, it never will be. I cherish love, in every aspect, from the Spiritual to the service of another, it is a permeating scent that I can't get enough of.

Guys, for those of you who tend to take weight upon yourself too much, realize how awesome you are in His eyes, soak in that thought, that Truth and be proud of His creation all the while singing a new song to Him, now, tomorrow, every single day. Seek the confidence that only God can grant you, not from the woman you've been blessed with or the job you have or the finances or WHATEVER. This is a hard lesson that's being taught to me in new ways every single day. Confidence is sexy, because Jesus made his kind the best possible out there. I write this, I see my own problems, but I grasp for the reality that's being spoken here.

Women, thank you for putting up with our stupid quirks, our emotions that make no sense and for still finding room to stomach through it all with Faith. I can't thank God enough for Alyssa, for women like her and the way they are able to put up with me, with us and stand by our sides through some really, really hard times.

In summation, Proverbs 31 women exist, never doubt true love nor the affection they have to give, because God has made them in such a way that it boggles the mind when you encounter them and see just how serving they are. These women are givers, they are focused on the Kingdom, they aren't takers and when you see the Holy Spirit moving through them in your community, study that, see the dance taking place before your eyes and marvel at the jewel that God has created. We men, we should be as lucky to be blessed with such a woman to call our wife one day, I'm left speechless when thinking about this. Women are beautiful, thank you Jesus for their creation, we are sanctified even more so by simply knowing them and embracing the beauty you crafted.

Future: I have a lot to learn, but the journey will be worth it. Finding the patience to soak in every day, no matter how menial, is key to sanity and understanding of God's warm embrace.

Learning to be a gentleman is a glorious art in of itself, and I believe the spiritual gift that God has given me is a soft heart that is tuned to the emotional needs of others, for that very reason I want to hone said empathy into a counseling heart, that knows how to listen, listen, then LOVE, LOVE. I am eager to continue learning.

My heart retains much weight right now for everything that has transpired and feeling like I need to step back and vocally making that known has been tougher than expected, it is not what I want. There is no hindsight at this point, only that path that has been paved before me. Learning to move forward with hope is crucial even with my heart not knowing how to disconnect itself from these past three years. In the end that's a sign of honest commitment that won't end, either as a friend or whatever.

This upcoming week must be productive and it shall be. Amen.

"Thanks for the adventure, now go have a new one ~Ellie"

2011-04-08T00:46:00.000-07:00

Watching Pixar's UP, reflecting on tonight's concert with Ascend The Hill, man, there is too much I'm holding on to.

Whom have I in heaven but You, and there is none on earth I desire above you.

Seriously, it's time to begin a new adventure and not cling to past fears.

There is a season for everything, things will be made right with time.

"I was hiding under your porch because I love you, can I stay!? ~Dug"

Seraphim

2011-03-31T18:07:00.000-07:00

I also started listening to For Today, today, haha. Conveniently enough their new music video for the song Seraphim came out today as well, so I thought it would be worthwhile to share this awesome band with you. Much like Sleeping Giant, For Today is a band intent on worshiping God in a powerful way through their songs. I look forward to seeing them in concert quite a bit one day.

Burn, and let the whole world see! You were made to burn.
...and let the whole world see! You were made to burn.
...and let the whole world see! You were made to burn.

I see an old breed of prophet arising, speaking as voices from another age;
set ablaze with the flame of the Spirit of God, and sent from before the throne.
...sent from before the throne.
We are sent from before the throne to stand up and speak out,
and let hell tremble when they hear us say,
"We are the burning ones, and we will not be contained!"
"We are the burning ones, and we will not be contained!" Oh...

Burning ones, arise! Come forth!

Oh take your flame, ignite the world.
We are the only hope for a hopeless world to see the face of the living God.
Oh take your flame, ignite the world.
Under the name above all names, we declare that the glorious One lives.
Take your flame, ignite the world. Take your flame, ignite the world!
Take your flame, ignite the world. Take your flame, ignite the world!

Come to the throne! Come to the throne!
You were made to burn and let the whole world see!
Burn, and let the whole world see. Burn, and let the whole world see.

Oh take your flame, ignite the world! Oh take your flame, ignite the world!
...ignite the world! Take your flame, ignite the world! Take your flame, ignite the
world! Take your flame, ignite the world! Take your flame, ignite the world!

Tornados and Coffee Shops

2011-03-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

Today was a pretty eventful day here in Seminole, well, maybe the entire Tampa Bay area to be more specific. A tornado made it's way across our part of the state earlier this afternoon. It started off of Redington Beach and then traveled down a main road here in town, Seminole, before plopping itself right in the parking lot of the Target where I work. It was quite the experience, one moment my coworkers and I are outside on our final break before calling it a day, the next we are walking back in from said break only to see people running to the back of the store to take cover from the oncoming storm.

While we were making our way back inside I noticed the panic stricken faces of many customers running down our main aisle of the store to avoid the Tornado that had just made it's way to our neck of the woods. I heard our loudspeaker shout that all team members were to guide everyone to the back and to stay there until notified otherwise.

Right as this announcement was being made the front doors of our store blew open allowing massive gusts of winds along with low pressure from the tornado to go and right back out the same entrance. The results of said action occurring was my ears popping from the pressure change. It was then and there that I knew some alien force of a storm was tearing up our parking lot, but to what extent I did not know.

After the whole ordeal came to a close everyone made their way the front of the store where we saw ceiling tiles strewn across the floor right by the front door, and just beyond that, there was the destruction. In our parking light there were light poles completely toppled over, bent in half and in one case, draped over a man's jeep, pinning it down. Just to paint a picture of how powerful these winds were, in the distance you could see the Largo PD's communication tower bent in half, yeah, a tower, bent in half. All of the onlookers were flabbergasted to say the least and I for one was actually scared as to where this storm was falling next.

According to my neighbors a similar touchdown happened at the Super Walmart off of US-19 right before it made its way to Largo, where I was. The extent of the damage, while not immense, was still great in scope. One of our main roads, 113th or Seminole Blvd, was littered with debris, pieces of signing from local eateries as well as fencing from a local trailer park. Driving by said trailer park was rough, I have not seen destruction like that first hand and to know that these people are now without a place to stay tonight is disconcerting. The last I heard Red Cross was attending to these folks now, so at least that is going in their favor tonight.

After leaving work I made my way home to find out that the electricity had been out for about two hours already. As I write this at a local Starbucks in order to pilfer their WiFi, I'm reminded of the dependency I and we have on electricity. It has been a long, long week for me at Target, and granted it is not back breaking work, but nevertheless getting up at 3:30AM multiple days in a row to be at work by 4:30AM is rough on the brain. My eyes are heavy, but the conversation has been great today. What could have been a lonely, gloomy afternoon at home turned into a afternoon spent at my local Starbucks.

After arriving here earlier today I was greeted by a barista who immediately commented on my Underoath shirt, which in turn segued into a chat about music, then bass guitars. I am hopefully going to be meeting up with him at some point over the next few weeks to borrow one of his bass guitars as well as to get lessons. People say bass is really easy to pick up, but that's not my sole reason for wanting to play one. Yes, I've had an acoustic guitar in room for well over a year and it has largely gone untouched. Yes, I do not have a strong desire to play guitar, yet, I would rather learn bass and become a supporting instrument to whatever ensemble God will place me in one day.

There's a hankering in me to start being more creative, the bass guitar is a small, but creative leap forward for me that has some great possibility tied to it. One day I would really like to be a part of a worship band here in Tampa or elsewhere, in this experience I want to praise God in a different way, a way that has gone untouched by my own existence, the musical instrument kind of way, haha. After seeing The Chariot in concert a number of weeks ago and seeing their bassist, Wolf, go crazy on stage while playing his bass like a champ it in turn spurred a desire in me to start playing.

Just this past week I had the chance to play a bass briefly and I really liked it a lot. There is something powerful and commanding in a subdued kind of way. I like that fact that the bass is a driving force underlying a musical current, it's not necessarily center stage nor is it a forgotten instrument. I'm excited to see where this goes, God use these hands. Amen.

To wrap things up here, I had the chance to speak with my friend Drew for a good while. He is an awesome guy who is truly serving his community in multiple ways, I'm glad to call him friend, because his creativity and zest for new approaches to life within Christian culture is refreshing. Now, I am back at Starbucks, once more sitting at a table with Drew and now my father is here as well working on his prison ministry stuff for May. Since the power is out there is no option for him to be productive, therefore tonight is his first foray with free Starbucks Wifi. :)

It's funny being in the role of a teacher, even for something as small as connecting my father to the wireless Internet. There is a feeble nature to my father that is endearing when it comes to technology, at times it has worn down on my patience, but then I remember that this is the guy who has brought me up to be a decent young man, the least I can do is be patient with him as he struggles to enter a new technological frontier.

So, that about wraps things up for tonight. My energy is fading pretty quick and there is no telling how much longer I will be able to stay awake. That being said, I can't wait to go to bed tonight. Buenos noches folks.

777

What is Truth? Seeing Showbread in Bradenton last night.

2011-03-30T19:34:00.000-07:00

Showbread's new album has finally come full circle for me. After seeing their performance last night I have to say that Who Can Know It? contains some of their most powerful songs, HANDS DOWN. I've had the final track looping through my head for the last 24 hours now. The electronic sample at the start of this song was used last night as everyone waited in a dark room with a projector displaying a large, red countdown for the show to begin. Needless to say, this music was accompanied by a rousing speech my MLK Jr. and it was intense.

To date, there are only a couple of bands that get me truly excited upon simply seeing them crowd upon a stage and Showbread is at the top. Last night my buddy JJ, Alex, his girlfriend Rachel as well as my new friend Phil with his brother Adam drove out to The Front, a local church tucked away in a strip mall over in Bradenton, FL. I honestly did not know what to expect from this tour, after all, it's free and there's no guarantee as to how many kids are going to show up to these kind of things.

Thankfully there was a decent sized crowd there and to be honest, it was a tiny venue which lent itself perfectly to the audio/video frenzy that followed. When I say that this was the most unique performance I've seen them put on, that's no joke. They had a huge projector screen sprawling from one side of the stage to the next that played a very vibrant, trip-induced yet moving series of videos to each and every song that they performed. The whole band was engulfed by this video so as you watched them play the video playing behind them made the concert just that much more enthralling.

The best part of all this is that they were the only band playing. Showbread graced us with over an hour and a half of their music.....yeah, I was happy to say the least.

I'm sure most people there last night were waiting to hear old favorites, but much to my own delight they played next to none of their old material save for two songs off of "Age of Reptiles" as well as "The Fear of God", the highlight of that bunch being Nothing Matters Anymore, which was awesome!

For me personally, the musical highlight of the night came about when they played "Myth Of A Christian Nation". The song was preceded by a video of a modern, American soldier, talking about his experiences in combat and how nothing is worth killing over. This was powerful, I really don't know what to write here that would properly convey the energy created by this footage. As soon as that video clip stopped they kicked into the song, goosebumps and much dancing ensued.

This is my favorite Showbread song to date.

The bulk of their entire set consisted of songs from their new, FREE, album "Who Can Know It?". Upon talking to Drew, their drummer, following the show I learned that they never want to play the song Mouth Like A Magazine ever again. I sat their, paused for a moment, and then shook his hand, saying thank you sir, and with a very relieved look on Drew's face he looked at me and said with earnest conviction, "thank you man!" It was like someone finally understood their distaste for play a song that has for better and worse shoehorned them into a corner for far too long. Showbread can't be contained by a sound or a single musical genre, they are ever evolving and as my favorite band that is something I respect wholeheartedly. The past is the past, leave it there along with the good memories.

I for one am thankful that they strayed away from older material, their new album is phenomenally deep, lyrically speaking, and the subdued musical nature of it as well as the singing style is not easily digested upon first listen. After more than a few listens now it is starting to come across as their most heartfelt attempt at glorifying God thus far through their musical ministry. This translates perfectly to their live set and if the show I saw last night is any indicator about this band's conviction to musically serve God then we are all fortunate that Showbread is still around continuing to spread the love of Raw Rock.

At the every end of their set Josh proceeded to speak with the audience in length about the misrepresentation of Jesus in America. He sincerely apologized to anyone in the room who had been hurt by Christians in the name of their own personal dogma, their quick condemnation and hypocritical Christian lifestyles that stray away from the teachings of Jesus in every way possible. Josh never shies away from speaking about how Great God's love for all of us is and it's one of the things I appreciate about Showbread the most.

I could write more about what he said, but I will end my review with this: Showbread plays music for one thing only and that is to proclaim Christ as King and to showcase his unrelenting, unreserved love for everyone, seeking or not.

The lyrics to this song are beautiful. The questioning nature of the whole tune is definitely something that has shot through my mind many times over, but at the end of the day, no matter how deep I dig or discuss God with people in my community, I know that "in all the tangles of who I am, the truth is that you love me."

So simple.

Lines in my hands, light through the walls
I'm writing letters to you with my prayers
Long before what I've stood up will fall
Or who I thought I might be is ensnared

A man inside a fish, scales from someone's eyes
A family in a great big boat while the rest of the world dies

You're making food to feed five thousand
You're saying "Let the children come to me"
In the corner of the classroom I am pulling back the carpet
I'm afraid of what I see

What is truth? What is true?

How big are love and history, what hides inside their mouths?
There are holes in me from things pushed in when I pull them out
And out of which come questions that I cannot unwrap
What I once learned is not enough to hold the torrent back

I feel as though the weight of questions has grown to cruel to bear
And though I long to lift it now the load makes me despair
Ask though I may the faces who once led me by the hand
Their voices are unfamiliar
I'm not even sure they understand

And now my spine is bowed by the boxes on my back
I don't know how to open them
I want to give them back
And yet you will not stir to ease this burden that I carry
It seems as though you've piled them up and treated me unfairly
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/showbread/the_heart_is_deceitful_above_all_things.html ]
It's this devastating world that laughs and steals upon my back
And everything comes crashing down when my will finally cracks
No longer will I tote the cryptic words of ages gone
When I was being broken, where were you all along?
The lessons recounted faithfully now fall like clumps of wool
The men and women who lied to me are cockeyed, panting wolves

They wave their flags and cast their stones and sneer with lusty grins
Commanding me to a follow a path they have never believed in
They low like cattle with bulging veins and militant fists in the air
Join their flock or burn in hell and I'm not sure that I care

Crawling out from the wreckage of all that I've been taught
I'm leaving it behind
They fling their venom out at me when I resign

Outside the gates I drag myself into a world bigger than I had believed
And inside they flay their sheep lest they follow me and leave
But after everything I've done and everything I do
I can still remember you

Lines in my hands, light through the walls
I'm writing you letters with my prayers
After all that I've stood up falls
And I afford you none of my cares
If I ask you "What is truth" will you be silent still?
My questions and doubts have created a chasm
That I fear you can not fill

Perhaps the lens I've eyed you through
Keeps me from from the truth
I can't find what I'm looking for
And I still remember you
When I relent the shackles of all that I've been fed
I pull back the floor and find something beautiful instead
After everything I've been through
I'm not sure I recognize myself anymore
Sometimes I think I might remember
But then I close the door

I walk away from everything and find myself made free
In all the tangles of who I am the truth is that you love me
Just as I was, just as I am, just as I will be
In all the tangles of who I am, the truth is that you love me

Lyrics by Showbread

Song: The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things

Liberty is a promise. (taken from Come and Live!)

2011-03-25T10:19:00.000-07:00

Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.

– 2 Corinthians 3: 16-18 (The Message)
Now, the Lord is the Spirit; and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty! – 2 Corinthians 3:17

Paraphrasing and reading this passage in the negative is illuminating; “..wherever the Spirit of the Lord is NOT, there is bondage!” We instantly begin to gain a more comprehensive perspective on what a life tuned to the Spirit is meant to look like. When God is present, the end-result ought to be determined as liberating and freeing. Anything other than the liberty that the Spirit brings is counterfeit to Scripture’s promise. When we who believe, first placed our confidence in the once crucified hands of Christ, did we not suddenly feel burdens being lifted off our chests? Weights driven back? Peace flooding over our souls and bodies? Surrendering to Jesus as Savior and Lord was (and still deserves to be) an experience in bounding excitement and genuine joy. Now, the Lord is the Spirit; and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty!

Why, now that we believe, does it seem as though the very experience that began this journey has become simply that…a once-only special and truly rare experience? Where is joy? Where has liberty flown to? Did peace evaporate? Independence, where have you gone? Freedom, hello? Did I surrender my life and my burdens to a willing substitute just to pick them up all over again? My faith is fainting. There are days where I find myself waking up with barely even a drop of joy. On those days, it takes everything within me to begin soaking up the truth of Scripture and declaring the good promises of God over my life. Now, the Lord is the Spirit; and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty!

This definition of liberty further helps us understand what this passage is conveying; Liberty is a concept of political philosophy and identifies the condition in which an individual has the right to act according to his or her own will. In this case, the individual is the Spirit of the new covenant. He is not looking for political power or control, He is looking to overthrow our control, our weakness, woes and weights by His great power and His control. But He desires vessels that invite Him in. He wants to overwhelm our lives with His ability to free us, to liberate us from the power of the flesh, the strength of the enemy and the allure of the world. The Spirit was designed to act according to His will, not yours, not mine. Surrender. Give up. Let go. Wake up! Invite the Lord, the Spirit, God Himself, to renew your life with authentic liberty. If you’re anywhere near as human as I am, confess your sins – especially the sin of carrying weights that Christ already offered to pick up. Holy Spirit, release me! Come release Yourself upon me! I’m sorry for thinking I could ever make it through life without You. Joy and every good fruit of the Spirit, come back and redefine me! Now, the Lord is the Spirit; and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty!

We have been set free. Let’s act like it today and everyday. Christ has earned our joy. He deserves our shouts of freedom. His price is our Liberty.

Impending doom....or not as bad as I thought.......

2011-03-24T21:35:00.000-07:00

Today was a weird day, honestly, it really was. Between going into work a bit later due to closing late last night the whole morning seemed to be thrown off. Coupling this with the demented dream I had shortly after coming home just let me in a really, really confused state. My head is still hurting from this nap I took earlier....I'm sure headbanging and throwing myself into the crowd during "Ballad of The Angry Brides" by Norma Jean might have not been the best of ideas.....on second thought, it was amazing. I haven't let loose like that in years at a concert and tonight was a cathartic release, I need to do that more often.

Moving on, my younger buddy JJ who I met through Young Life a few years back needed a ride to the concert tonight. First off, I had no idea he was going by himself and didn't have any friends to take him, so when he first asked I really was not in the mood to be a chauffeur for anyone tonight. Honestly I was just feeling annoyed at the prospect of giving this young dude a ride to the show, I don't know why. After all he did call after my weird nap to ask if I was still cool giving him a ride and I told him, "sure bro, I'd be happy to take you to and fro." Swallowing my annoyance I got up, got ready and bolted out the door.

Turns out, God works in my annoyances, because if I hadn't given JJ a ride tonight we wouldn't have had the chance to have a pretty deep conversation about him and his girlfriend.

Both of them have been walking the fine line of loving one another and going a bit further every time they hang out, need I say more. Upon hearing this all I could think was man, this kid does not need to be having sex with any woman until he is ready to lead her in a God centered relationship, that, and he is only 15 years old. I'm 25 and the choices I made through the history of my relationships have been anything but holy, but there was always love, that's for sure. Looking back on my experiences and knowing that I'm in no shape or form ready to have kids much less provide for a wife I proceeded to offer JJ the best advice I could. Dear God I hope he hears my words and saves himself needless guilt, heartache and turmoil over not leading a relationship properly.

This is something I've become very passionate about over the course of the last few years and it is something I personally continue to struggle with. I'm honored that God is continuing to use me to pour into younger guys and even my peers about the struggles we all face when it comes to being alone and intimate with the women we love.

Everything JJ told me echoed thoughts that have gone through my head at one time or another over the years and I just wanted to lovingly shake the kid and scream WAKE UP, realize what you're getting yourself into! Thank God that's not how I chose to talk with him, but at the end of the night we both parted ways after praying. I hope he realizes that in serving his girlfriend that he must place his relationship with God first before serving her in any way. I am confident that is one of the hardest, if not hardest lessons any man must learn and experience in order to better appreciate the woman he has been blessed with. God did not give us a woman to cherish in order to feel complete and forgetful of Him, but for her to sanctify us even more so than when we were alone and to push us toward God.

We all live and learn....the wisest bits of advice can fall on deaf ears, but that's ok, this is why God shapes our hearts during these trials and molds them into solid, refined works of art that glorify him wholly.

Tonight was awesome, not just the company I had in JJ but the music. Seeing Impending Doom play at the State Theatre was truly amazing. Those guys really brought down the fire with their set before Norma Jean played. There was something authentic and Spirit filled with their songs, especially "More Than Conquerors" that got the whole place up in arms, moving together. It gave me chills and makes me yearn for seeing other bands like Close Your Eyes, Sleeping Giant, Life In Your Way etc. etc. etc.

Here's to a new day, new perception and more focus on you Lord. Teach me how to reach out, even beyond what I'm capable of comprehending as feasible. Amen.

777

Nap times can be dangerous business.

2011-03-24T13:49:00.000-07:00

About 45 minutes ago (obviously much later if/when somebody reads this) I woke up from a nap that lasted maybe an hour and thirty minutes. During the course of the discomforting slumber I spent the majority of it trying to drive a beat up combi van to an Avett Brothers concert somewhere in what seemed to be a cross between London and downtown Miami. It was during this part of the dream that I received a distressing phone call from a girl that I had apparently been sleeping with and she just discovered that some horrific form of STD was growing outwardly on her skin and that she was terrified by what it could do to the human mind. At some point during this conversation she sent me a video link to watch. It involved some naked guy literally wincing his way in pain around a bathroom trying to ingest handfuls of water while intermittently throwing dashes upon his face to relieve the intense pain inside. For all intents and purposes this guy looked like he was turning into one of the infected from 28 Days Later and had intense red eyes, followed by growing red rashes all over him.

Now, in the process of driving still to this concert, the combi van starts to act up a bit with the breaks so to the point that each time I halt the car at a red light is becoming a harrowing adventure in just how close can I come to the other person's bumper? It got so bad at one point that I had to kick out the driver side door and start using my own foot down on the pavement to help the vehicle slow down, which in turn caused the van to do a figure-eight-like ballet performance on the road completely stopping traffic behind me as they saw this circus of machinery being conducted up ahead. By now in the dream a slight panic is coming over me, no, a huge panic, due to the fact that I now had a virus in it's nascent stages developing from within and my car was reading my final rights to me.

Up ahead there was a very, very steep bridge coming up which could only spell certain doom for good old Jon. Naturally my inclination is to floor the gas pedal in said combi van to the floor in hopes that a rocket propelled final boost of speed and life would emerge out of this rust bucket. Which in fact, that did not happen at all.

Instead the vehicle would make only make it half way up the bridge, which in this dream seemed to be inclining at a 80 degree angle. It was at this very moment that I literally screamed out and started sobbing for help when out of nowhere, my brother comes driving up behind with a huge diesel truck and starts to floor it up the remainder of the bridge, pushing me to a plateau of safety. Once at the top he gave me a phone call to see how I was doing, ashamedly no mention of my predicament with the virus was made, so we made our way to the concert.

Upon arriving to this ampitheatre which had a lobby themed after a civil war-esque styled southern plantation, we were greeted by my father. Much to my bemusement he ordered us into the theatre in order to see the start of the performance whilst he went about ordering dessert platters as a surprise for us following the Avett Brother's performance. I saw him placing this order as I ran to the bathroom to scope out my body to see just how far this zombie infection was coming along.

Again, much to my surprise an older woman was in this bathroom acting as the attendant, you know, almost always a guy who gives you a mint and a dash of cologne? Anyhow, she begins to talk to me in this thick southern drawl and all the while I can only fixate my thoughts on getting myself inside a stall, closing the door and stripping down. Finally our brief conversation concludes and I finally find myself behind closed doors, thankfully nothing has spread nor does it appear this infection has made its way into me for being as fast active as my lady friend said it was for her.

It is now at this point that the dream goes hazy for me at this concert, following this event I find myself back in the van speeding down the hallway to this woman's apartment. Upon arrival I sit down next to her and she is weeping in confusion and terror. All I can do is approach her, embrace her and ask what can I do? I hug her for a brief amount of time, slowing her sobs down to a realization that someone cares about her current state of affairs when she finally says it's going to be ok. Like most jaded people in the heat of a problem that was brought upon by their own doing, I sat there thinking about just how she contracted this virus and what would be the end results for her?

It was at this point that I started feel sick to my stomach with thoughts of what might happen and just how long it would take for me to be sure that my fate would not be the same as hers. That said, I stayed in that room consoling her until I awoke from this dream to the sound of my cellphone ringing.

A friend of mine was calling about a ride to the Norma Jean show tonight and in my best performance of being awake when really I was just asleep a second ago I held a jovial conversation and told him that yea, sure I will help you out tonight. As soon as we finished our chat my brain received a rush of blood that had me holding my head wincing, as if this dream world was flooding out of my brain, being purged by the blood that was just lying flatlined throughout my body before I sat up and started circulating it once more.

It has been a while since a dream this intense has come over me, much less the terror I felt within it.

*Edit - There are a bunch of spelling problems and grammatical errors here, for the sake of authenticity, haha, I'm leaving them in.

Everything is everything.

2011-03-23T14:22:00.000-07:00

I just stumbled upon this song again and after attending the Seven Days art exhibit over at The Underground last night and seeing some women stand up to sing, speak and share their thoughts on God, this feels fitting. I wouldn't mind seeing Lauryn Hill one day, I've seen videos of her spoken word works before and they are something else. We actually watched one over in California during one of our last training workshops.

Everything is everything
What is meant to be, will be
After winter, must come spring
Change, it comes eventually
(2x)

I wrote these words for everyone
Who struggles in their youth
Who won't accept deception
Instead of what is truth
It seems we lose the game,
Before we even start to play
Who made these rules? We're so confused
Easily led astray
Let me tell ya that
Everything is everything
Everything is everything
After winter, must come spring
Everything is everything

I philosophy
Possibly speak tongues
Beat drum, Abyssinian, street Baptist
Rap this in fine linen
From the beginning
My practice extending across the atlas
I begat this
Flippin' in the ghetto on a dirty mattress
You can't match this rapper / actress
More powerful than two Cleopatras
Bomb graffiti on the tomb of Nefertiti
MCs ain't ready to take it to the Serengeti
My rhymes is heavy like the mind of Sister Betty
L. Boogie spars with stars and constellations
Then came down for a little conversation
Adjacent to the king, fear no human being
Roll with cherubims to Nassau Coliseum
Now hear this mixture
Where hip hop meets scripture
Develop a negative into a positive picture

Now, everything is everything
What is meant to be, will be
After winter, must come spring
Change, it comes eventually

Sometimes it seems
We'll touch that dream
But things come slow or not at all
And the ones on top, won't make it stop
So convinced that they might fall
Let's love ourselves then we can't fail
To make a better situation
Tomorrow, our seeds will grow
All we need is dedication

Let me tell ya that,
Everything is everything
Everything is everything
After winter, must come spring
Everything is everything

Everything is everything
What is meant to be, will be
After winter, must come spring
Change, it comes eventually

Staying on target and not overlooking personal milestones.

2011-03-23T12:33:00.000-07:00

"Never despise small beginnings, and don't belittle your own accomplishments. Remember them and use them as inspiration as you go on to the next thing. When you venture outside your comfort zone, wherever the starting point may be, it's kind of a big deal." ~ Chris Guillebeau

Stephen from the band Anberlin posted this to his Twitter account earlier this morning and I felt compelled to post it up here. Every day, literally, is starting to slow down to the point where I must enter the Grace in each one to mine the Joy that God is really trying to bring down upon you, me, everyone.

In the year(s) 2009/2010 a lot of good things happened, two of which I will focus on here:

Graduating - Graduate School - Changing location: For starters, college ended in 2009 and now I'm on my way to beginning Grad school for an MA in Counselor Education this coming August. I honestly cannot wait to see where God plants me and the funny thing is the fact that these next 4 to 5 months are going to FLY by. Before I know it the kind city of Seminole and St. Petersburg will be behind me, I will be living either over in the Tampa Bay area somewhere or in the great city of Orlando, or as I call it, Mouse Town.

The thought of this change is maybe something I've taken for granted thus far, that might not make much sense, even to me for that matter, but a lot of people's lives are currently treading across the horizon of change and I couldn't be more happy about this for us all. I firmly believe that God is bringing about a season of forward motion, however big or small it may end up being I am thrilled that life is caught up in a vortex of change. Just being able to choose between USF and UCF is an honor, an incredibly blessing, and I'm down for wherever God plants me next. Finding peace within those words is difficult, because it translates to great amounts of trust that I must place in Jesus to figure out what the heck is transpiring. Either way, the latter half of 2011 is going to be yet another new adventure.

Invisible Children: Outside of the academic realm, I also took probably one of the more life changing adventures of my life thus far, and that was volunteering with Invisible Children. To this day it has been incredibly difficult to talk about due to the fact that it is not easy to summarize into a sit-down conversation with someone. Rarely do I feel inclined to share unless the person sitting across from me has shown true interest to listen, and let me tell you, those individuals are few and far between. It almost saddens me a bit writing that, but at the end of the day this experience was not about me leaving in order to come back and wave a flag of self-righteous servitude, seriously. No matter how life changing this trip amounted to be, it was always meant to be about the advocates, your teammates, staying focused on the objective at hand, and let me tell you that creates a different kind of "you" in the process in the best way possible. Learning just how selfish I can be and what it takes to truly serve is an always evolving life lesson that will forever stick, for that I'm incredibly thankful.

There is too much that can be written about Invisible Children, one day I will write a good amount of what happened in order to reflect on one of the best, craziest times imaginable. I'm very indebted to the people I met in their office, the other Roadies as well as my teammates. Each and every single person housed a spirit of giving and compassion for human life that was overwhelming to experience on a daily basis.

The only reason I felt compelled to write these brief nuggets above is because it is far to easy to discredit small achievements in one's life. I've been a victim of this for the past year and for better or worse, things that have transpired in my life either bolstered these notions or helped alleviate them. It is almost integral to mention that everything, good or bad is obviously and always largely due to personal choice, not the cards I'm being dealt, bad luck or anything else. Each and every day, like I said before, is starting to gain more meaning, starting to slow down and the emphasis, concern and over-thought that have plagued countless thoughts of mine are starting to be refined.

Right now, certain days are far easier than others. I wake up and feel alive, I feel energized by God to go forth and encourage others, in turn finding the Grace I've been blessed to receive that very moment. Then there are mornings like today, where the currents of the past are hard to navigate, but not impossible to swim past. It takes focus and prayer to break out of and deep down inside I know that God wants us to move forward. Over the last week days like today have not been as apparent, therefore as I cap this ramble off I am going to strap on some shoes, pump up some bike tires and hit the road to soak in this day, before Target is upon me later. :)

Be well folks, whatever is on your mind, give it up to God, all of it and seek to serve others in the process. If there is anything I have learned in the process of everything going on right now, it is when I give of myself, whether it be time, a loving word or something as small as a smile is when I find healing that only He is capable of delivering. Trust me, when we try in our own power to forget and to remedy situations in ways that might not be beneficial we always crash and burn. It is a crappy feeling.

Here's todays entry from My Utmost For His Highest:

Am I Carnally Minded?

Mar 23 2011

Where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal . . . ? —1 Corinthians 3:3

The natural man, or unbeliever, knows nothing about carnality. The desires of the flesh warring against the Spirit, and the Spirit warring against the flesh, which began at rebirth, are what produce carnality and the awareness of it. But Paul said, “Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16). In other words, carnality will disappear.
Are you quarrelsome and easily upset over small things? Do you think that no one who is a Christian is ever like that? Paul said they are, and he connected these attitudes with carnality.

Is there a truth in the Bible that instantly awakens a spirit of malice or resentment in you? If so, that is proof that you are still carnal. If the process of sanctification is continuing in your life, there will be no trace of that kind of spirit remaining.

If the Spirit of God detects anything in you that is wrong, He doesn’t ask you to make it right; He only asks you to accept the light of truth, and then He will make it right. A child of the light will confess sin instantly and stand completely open before God. But a child of the darkness will say, “Oh, I can explain that.” When the light shines and the Spirit brings conviction of sin, be a child of the light. Confess your wrongdoing, and God will deal with it.

If, however, you try to vindicate yourself, you prove yourself to be a child of the darkness.
What is the proof that carnality has gone? Never deceive yourself; when carnality is gone you will know it-it is the most real thing you can imagine. And God will see to it that you have a number of opportunities to prove to yourself the miracle of His grace. The proof is in a very practical test. You will find yourself saying, “If this had happened before, I would have had the spirit of resentment!” And you will never cease to be the most amazed person on earth at what God has done for you on the inside.

777

Learn to crawl before you can run.

2011-03-22T22:03:00.000-07:00

Encouragement over burritos and crushed ice.

2011-03-22T13:43:00.000-07:00

Had a great talk with my friend PJ over Tijuana Flats this afternoon. God is most definitely working on the hearts of men that are in my life, PJ being one of them. It is very uplifting to hear someone's story and the transparency behind it that allows truth, brokenness and conviction to serve God come through it all. I don't know if that makes sense, but I truly want to be poured into by a group of older, wise men.

I am praying already for a group of peers and elders to play an integral part of this next chapter of my life. Accountability and wisdom are two things I seek from my guy friends, and in turn, it is something I want to supply amply as well.

All in God's timing, today has been great.

Night falls - Hope rises.

2011-03-21T20:41:00.001-07:00

St. Petersburg is an incredible city with an incredible problem like many other cities in this country, homelessness. It is a man-made problem that up until now I truly have never really thought there could be an end to, but I believe it is possible. The Bible says "you will always have the poor among you....", but I believe the poor, in the homeless sense, don't have to be.

Just tonight there were more layers pulled back for me to see just how ugly humanity can be. On the other side of that same token it also gave God a chance to spread His glory some more and for that I am incredibly grateful.

As we made our way to the final stop of the night, city hall, there was an abundance of bagged lunches and desserts left for the people sleeping out there. It got to a point where we decided to split the remaining food into two separate crates and started walking around the perimeter surrounding city hall. I was making my way around the corner with a volunteer from Eckerd Colleg, Halle, when our buddy Marvin asked where we were going? I told him we were walking the perimeter and he gladly jumped in line after taking a second to debate what was up.

Long story short, as we headed down this sidewalk we were greeted by a lot more homeless folks who were grateful to get the leftover snacks. Further down that sidewalk we ran into some interesting couples. The first couple was led by this guy named Country, as I spoke with him he brought to both Halle's and my attention that he had just got done with a "beat-down". Both of us sat there a bit confused after passing both him and his girlfriend some food as to what this meant.

Country went on to describe a website that hires UFC-esque martial arts women to go out into cities like St. Pete and even Orlando to pay homeless people $50 for 12 minutes of them beating the homeless person into the ground. He also told me that his buddy Tim just got done with one and his two front teeth were knocked out as a result. Country's girlfriend kept on encouraging me to go see, because he was now carrying both teeth in his jean pockets. As both of them kept on describing this to me my stomach felt sick and I could see the astonishment on Halle's face as well.

Country told me that he had three broken ribs and had been wearing a splint to help with the pain, that and his nose had recently been broken from these said fights. I then proceeded to ask him to be extremely careful in proceeding to take these offers from such cruel individuals when he came back with, "well, it's the only way I can make money, I have no I.D., no one will take me out here for work so what am I supposed to do when the city is trying to sweep me away?" Not only that but the police apparently do nothing about these recordings, which is appalling to hear. Country told me that they just laugh as all of this is going down...my heart felt even sicker hearing this and hoped that it was just drunken fabrication on his part.

Country has three beat-downs scheduled for tomorrow..........

I then asked both of them if I could pray over them and it was like sunlight hitting a vampire. They cringed at the thought of it and then Country's girlfriend started declaring that the last time someone prayed for them that she got hit in the face with a chain. Country chimed in saying that he did not want any of that, nothing good has ever come from it and that people keep hurting them. It was at this point that I responded back with the fact that those were people who hurt them, not Jesus, I know that He loves you both and would never place harm upon you, EVER. I could feel the Holy Spirit react to this verbal encounter, it's comforting to know that God shines in moments like this.

As I was talking with them I saw Marvin speaking with this woman who asked him, "why do you all come out here?" Marvin later told me that as we were walking around the corner earlier, God told him to go with us, well, God worked through Marvin as he managed to pray over not just this woman, but two, both of whom broke down sobbing as he spoke God's kingdom into their lives, it was powerful. To see that level of brokenness in these woman was incredibly moving, homelessness is not an easy thing to encounter, especially when you see firsthand just how badly God is needed in these people's lives.

For missing Love The Poor for 3 weeks in a row it doesn't surprise me that something like this would happen. God has really been working through these conversations all of us are having with the homeless and I definitely encourage anyone who reads this to start praying for the dismantling of that website that's creating these awful, awful videos.

G.W., the man who heads up this ministry, told me that it's getting pretty bad with the "beat down" videos, people are getting REALLY hurt. I don't understand darkness like this, but I thank God that G.W. is a voice for them and he's working with the Homeless Coalition along with some lawyers to file an injunction for this site to be taken down which should be happening within a few days time.

Justice needs to be at hand here, dear God please move and stop needless violence like this and bring your presence down upon these individuals in St. Pete. May they thirst for You. Amen.

Yea, I'm floored by stuff like this, but thankful that God can work through us to make a difference. Tonight was great, much prayer is needed for St. Pete and elsewhere.

777

God provides for the Lion.

2011-03-21T13:27:00.000-07:00

I have been listening to A Plea For Purging's new album, The Marriage of Heaven and hell, for a good long while now. To those of you who actually watch this video and take in the music I encourage you to read the lyrics and let them sink in, deep. This style of music is not everyones cup of tea, that much I acknowledge, but sometimes a song has such a raw message behind it that no matter what the musical style it is the words transcend the genre that it is encapsulated by.

With that said, the subject matter is pretty blunt and downright in your face, but there is something about the line:
"Our prisons were built with the stones of law, whorehouses are built with the bricks of religion. Oh man of God, from which was your stone?" that really gets to me every time I hear it shouted.

Every time I blast this song in my car I think about many of the guys in my life right now who are just downright saddened by life. Maybe it is because of circumstance, maybe it is because of sin that continues to be pervasive, who knows?

When Andy is screaming "Your god's not real!" in this song is just makes me reflect on all the crap that we allow to seep into our life and take place on our life's mantle where God should reigning all the time. No matter what we give a foothold to, it's not real, it does not surpass the might of God in any shape or form.

What I do know is that God truly does provide for the Lion, no matter what the enemy throws your way, with God by your side you will find him and there is nowhere his devices or schemes to ruin your life can run.

Praise God, we are more than conquerors.

A Plea For Purging - "The Eternal Female" - Columbus, OH from Reel Bear Media on Vimeo.

I am the reaper... I will be the demise of your reign.
I am the dark shadow where you hide.
Self-righteous fascist, you chase the sun.
Glory belongs to no man.
Crooked church, you sell the Son.
Thieves deserve to have no hands.

Our prisons were built with the stones of law, whorehouses are built with the bricks of religion..........Oh man of God, from which was your stone?

I’ve stayed quiet for far too long.
’Cause I’ve typecast myself to censor what I can say.
I’m so sick of this, sick of what’s going on.
Now I’m putting an end to my silence: Your god’s not real.
Your god’s not real.
Your god’s not real.
This is the end of my silence.

The wolf provides for his own, but God provides for the lion.
The wolf provides for his own, but God provides for the lion.

I am the lion, you are the wolf.
You can run but I will find you.
The wolf provides for his own, but God provides for the lion.
I am the lion, you are the wolf.
You can run but I will find you.
I am the reaper.
You can run but I will find you.
I am the reaper.

Good reminder for May.

2011-03-20T21:09:00.000-07:00

Hebrews 13:3

Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

This scripture breaks my heart but encourages it at the same time. These men at ZCI are being prayed over already, they don't even know it, haha. God is going to act, it will be all Him the weekend we're there, I can't wait to serve these dudes and let God shine.

Righteous, Loving counseling FTW!!! haha

Sundays in St. Petersburg, then at home.

2011-03-20T14:44:00.000-07:00

Sundays have become really hit or miss for me lately. By that I mean the mornings start our great, church at Missio Dei is phenomenal and the community there is genuine, but following church is usually when the day hits a slump in activity for me. Everyone goes their separate ways and since I live in Seminole this puts me largely out of area in terms of hanging out in St. Pete for the day and finding something to do. Taking that into consideration, most people would declare that since Sundays are the sabbath day of the week a bit of laziness and possibly slow movement is ok, but for me, it drives me crazy to an extent.

With that minor, petty gripe aside, I will say that lunch over at The Acropolis located off of Central Ave / 6th St was great. The food quantity for the price is terrific and the conversation we had was even better. What started out as just simple chit chat turned into yet another conversation on Rob Bell's new book, Love Wins. To my surprise everyone sitting at the table, or at least those who had begun reading it, can see the point Bell is trying to make with his book. It's not that he is trying to preach something new, but instead communicating a suggestion, a much researched one at that on his part it seems, that people simply might just want to consider. The verdict is still out for me on what I think about the book thus far, but for once it was great to be sitting amongst a table of people who could see just how poorly Bell has been treated in the past few weeks. All of us were pretty astonished at the "shit storm" that ensued when the first preview trailer for his book amassed online. Nevertheless, we all agreed that respect needs to be given and that the poor guy shouldn't be made a crucifiable scapegoat for sharing his take on things.

It's times like at lunch today where I truly enjoy being part of relevant conversations that are currently stirring in our culture. I would love to see this type of chatter become more prevalent during the week or maybe at some kind of meeting within smaller churches like Missio Dei when it's useful. I understand that meeting for the sake of meeting can be a waste of time, but there are times where conversation about current events outside of a Sunday gathering with your Church body is great, today was one of those moments.

On that note, learning to be still, not just in the Biblical sense of hearing God's voice throughout your daily life, but just in general can be tough when you "feel" like there is some kind of activity you should be attending or participating in. If I feel like my Sundays are going to the wayside a bit too much maybe I could start planning ahead to down in St. Pete afterwards to bike and just take in the city some more.

These are my thoughts for now, maybe I'll go read some more. Enjoy your day, feel free to share your thoughts on how Sunday typically pans out for you. (That's if anyone out there still reads this. :) )

Kairos

2011-03-20T00:07:00.000-07:00

I've told a number of people that this upcoming May I will be serving on a team of volunteers who will be traveling to a correctional institute here in the state of FL to work with prisoners for 3 days. We'll spend upwards of 12 hours on each of those three days counseling them, but more importantly, letting them talk as we choose to listen and love in response.

The training sessions I've attended thus far have been very good and definitely worth the lack of sleep I get the night before. Thus far we've been meeting up every other Saturday at around 8am for breakfast and then 6 hours of discussion interspersed with teachings from local church leaders and other volunteers giving talks the weekend we're there.

It's late, so my eyes are fading, but I just wanted to write that the men who comprise this team are truly men of God. I've been so encouraged by the conversations I've had with many of them, especially Phil Wilson, little does he know, but he's the teammate I'm supposed to be lifting up in prayer leading up to us going into the prison. In fact, we were all given these little keychain tokens that had a name written on one side and a number on the other. The name corresponds with a teammate we need to pray for while the number will eventually be one of the inmates with whom we'll be writing postcards too in the coming weeks.

Back on track, Phil Wilson is an OLD guy, probably in his late sixties or early seventies from the look of things, nevertheless, this man is full of wisdom and confidence from the Lord. He has served on countless Kairos weekends and continues to do so out of love for the inmates he has seen come to know God in a deeply personal way.

One of my favorite parts of these trainings is when we get to team up with a prayer partner for 20 minutes of discussion of what we just went over which is then capped off by prayer. For some reason I felt compelled to walk over to Phil today and choose him as my prayer partner for a passage we read in Ephesians, specifically chapter 5:14.

As we talked both of us shared the trials and struggles we have faced with relationships. He being a man of great age was just recently divorced by his wife. She literally ran out on him. I don't feel at liberty to share all the details, but in sharing my brokenness with him over my recent relationship the both of us were able to come together on common ground in some sort of cathartic way.

He shared with me that no woman will ever be my best friend, to call her such would be discrediting God has my true and only best friend. Phil said this with a smile and a bit of wry laughter, heck, he can say such things for what he's been through and I respected what he had to say, because it got me thinking about the hierarchal system of order that I've placed things in my life over the past year. God has not been first, most times he has been third, fourth, maybe eighth on my list of things to experience on a daily basis. Maybe that's too extreme, but God has definitely been with me all along, I've simply chosen to muffle out his voice during some very hard times, but that is not the case anymore.

In summation, I look forward to being married one day, greatly so, but if there is one thing I can take away from training today, it's that she will never complete me. She's never going to be able to, no matter how deep or sincere our friendship is, God is the only one who promises to be there for me through thick and thin.

Now that to me is very comforting and for the first time in a long time I feel confident inside, my heart feels peace and joy. Thank you Jesus, seriously, you have done much for me, now it's time to return the favor because I can.

Never look down.

2011-03-18T17:00:00.000-07:00

Today stars a new chapter, new opportunities and a new season in my life. God has been preparing me for change, to what extent this change is going to manifest itself I am not sure, but whatever transpires I am willing, here, now, send me Lord.

The interview at UCF today was magnificent, the faculty, the current grad/doctoral students, EVERYTHING was simply awesome. We had the chance to sit in this dining hall where they first served us a buffet breakfast and introduced us all to the faculty of the Mental Health Counseling department.

The faculty at UCF are jovial and fun loving, it was great getting to see them introduce themselves and in turn, encourage us before our interviews. Not only that but the current students in their ongoing programs of study were there to guide us along too. After our hour long interview session with a professor and two students from the school, we had the chance to go back to this dining hall and half another hour long Q&A with the students I mentioned before. They were very kind and painted a great picture of what "life" within our respective programs is going to be like.

To say the least I am excited at the potentiality of moving to Orlando, it is different, it is life changing, but I am willing to start over and begin anew in another city. I know God is calling me to move somewhere, when that time comes I will be ready to pursue him in a different setting most definitely.

Until then, two weeks that is when UCF is supposed to get back to me with a decision, I must prayerfully focus on the now, not what's to come. I feel like there's the possibility of getting lost in the worry of waiting for a response from them, but in all honesty I'm going to cast this decision on God and respect whatever reply comes back to me.

Jesus, you are the purveyor of Peace and the one who bestows all opportunities, may we all have the courage to ACT, not wait for things to land in our laps. Thank you so much for blessing me with the educational opportunities that have been bestowed up on me thus far, I am incredibly blessed, we all are.

That's all.

Amen.

777

2011-03-17T15:18:00.001-07:00

I have nothing new to say. The world is so terribly big, it keeps spinning and shaking loose all my constants and making me see that the sun has been burning too long to have not shed its light in every direction.

All I know is that beautiful in me is You... beautiful in me is You.
(All... I... know...) Every good thing, every true thing, beautiful in me is You, beautiful in me is You.
(All... I... know...) Every good thing, every true thing, beautiful in me is You, beautiful in me is You.
(All... I... know...) Every good thing, every true thing, beautiful in me is You, beautiful in me is You.

I see a thousand young men, they're all marching in time with the war on their doorsteps and their lovers behind them, and all of their glory flows back to their master, but they care not for honor, for they wear His robes.

I'm tired of striving to be, who You already say that I am. I am Yours...

Take what You need to take, say what You need to say to make me who I am meant to be, You can have it all. Take what You need to take, say what You need to say to make me who I am meant to be, You can have it all.

My Epic ~ Author

Desiring more, more, more and more.

2011-03-16T23:36:00.001-07:00

I just want to experience God in the most unadulterated way possible. To recognize Heaven on Earth now and to truly heal those around me through words, actions and attitudes. It can be done, I want to keep my mind open to what God is doing all around me, He is so great, I can't believe how numb I've made my mind over the years. No more, seriously, I just want You father, that is it.

Aftermath

2011-03-12T22:07:00.000-08:00

Over the course of the last year I have lost sight of what it means to actually keep a blog and the therapeutic nature of writing your thoughts down in order to keep a sane perspective of what's going on in my life.

Much has transpired, California has come and gone, a relationship that was burgeoning with love has now been replaced with friendship and above all else, God is really taking my heart and transforming it. In what has probably been one of the most difficult seasons of life for me I am left wondering and reeling with thoughts of what's next. For the first time ever I find myself in a position where total reliance on God is necessary to move forward and make a decision about school and inevitably, what city I will be living in this coming August.

These choices have been laced with large amounts of uncertainty, excitement, depression and at times, anger. On top of that I never thought that after almost three years of friendship that I would lose the woman I love to poor choices, idolatry and lack of focus through essentially ignoring time with God on a daily basis. It's rough admitting that, but in a way it is like confessing openly here to those who care to read. Emotionally I am broken right now, but without sounding overly glum it has opened a door for God to work in my life like He never has before. He is currently preparing my brother and I, along with my father, to work on a team of volunteers who will be traveling into a prison over in Zephyrhills this May to counsel the inmates there. I am very excited to partake in this, God is going to achieve awesome things while we're there, I know it, all glory to Him.

It is getting pretty late and we just moved the clocks an hour ahead tonight, so it is time to sleep. This upcoming Friday there's an interview over at UCF that I'm attending for their Counselor Education program to become a licensed Mental Health Counselor. If anyone still reads this, keep me in your prayers, the interview starts around 9am and I want to knock it out of the park with the confidence of God. It will be good.

That is all, goodnight.

~777

No Girls Allowed

2010-11-25T22:00:00.001-08:00

Fascinating read that Relevant put up, leaving it here for future reading as well as prayer. Take a look:

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/loss-of-innocents/features/23524-making-all-girls-allowed

777

Time will see us realign.

2010-04-16T17:55:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm way behind on keeping people updated, so for those of you who actually follow this, HELLO! It has been a couple months since I've done anything substantial on this blog and I will keep the tradition of music videos going strong with the Deftones new song, "Diamond Eyes", so good.

That said, hello, I know I just greeted you all but a second one was in need. This amount of time away from home has been very eye opening and uplifting all at once. Invisible Children as you all know is who I have been working with and California is the great state I have had the privilege to roam, specifically it's southern half (SoCal).

Everyone at the main office was not lying when they said that tour would become a time warp at some point along the way, and it has. I say that in the absolute best way possible, because this is a beautiful state and the work we have been doing has been nothing short of rewarding and time consuming. I love the schedule we're on and I can confidently at this point that IC has taught me the value in waking up early, utilizing the time God has blessed me with, attempt to serve my teammates the best I can and share an incredible story with audiences every day.

It exciting and CRAZY to think that there is only two weeks left before our trek here in SoCal is over. There has been much time to reflect on the road, but at the same time there hasn't been. Being in a tour van with some of the best people you'll ever meet and living under a forced marriage has been one of the gnarliest experiences of my life. For those of you who know or may not know, I did not travel away to college like so many other people. Community college is where I spent most of my time which finally lead to me graduating from USF St. Petersburg. Both of which I lived close enough to so I could commute to from home.

Being on the road and learning what it takes to get up early, without compromise and pack into a van with your teammates can be very disconcerting at times, but with all the discomforts of lacking a regular sleep schedule one discovers that there is SO much that can be done on any given day.

I feel like that's the biggest lesson spilling forth from my mind right now. Trust me, there are others, but appreciating the gift of a new day is something I feel we all take for granted far too often. It's an interesting phenomenon in my opinion to be so busy and not stop to give thanks for even a minute sometimes. I know I fall victim of this, but God has a unique way of reminding me almost ever day to give praise for the air flowing through my lungs and the blood pumping through my heart.

When this happens it usually hits me hard and the feeling I receive is indescribable. It's a good way of keeping myself in check, because in all reality we are not guaranteed tomorrow and finding joy in whatever you're currently doing is essential to finding peace in life.

On this tour our team, SoCal, has hit some incredible highs and some lows along the way, but the beauty of all this is that there is redemption to be found and happiness to be experienced. Even with two weeks time left I am speechless with how fast this experience has gone by as well as how blessed I am to be returning to such an incredible family and the most loving woman I know.

To finish strong is a goal of mine along with the rest of the team. As a unit we will fight the good fight and share the story of Africa's longest running war in the richest way possible.

For now I say, find joy in your life and embrace the fact that you're breathing. Secondly, rejoice in the day you have received.

Time is a gift.

"Time will see us realign
Diamonds reign across the sky
Shower me into the same
Realm......"

Grace and Peace ~777

Friday.

2010-03-12T14:16:00.001-08:00

March 12, 2010

"Come unto Me, all you that labor and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

I wonder why the easiest thing in the Christian life is the
most difficult?

There is no condition of human nature, no circumstance
of human life, that is not completely provided for in the
all-embracing love of our Father God; yet the vast majority
of His children struggle along life's road, bearing burdens
that He is eager to carry, and has urged them to entrust
to Him. I wonder why?

It should be an easy thing, an alluring thing, a thrilling
thing to talk to God, to hold converse with Christ.
Yet, strange to relate, prayer is the most neglected
of all the Christian ministries.
The most perfunctory, abbreviated and often times
omitted exercise of many a Christian's life is the
prayer-time. I wonder why?

Perhaps the difficulty lies in its very ease, its utter
simplicity. Just to kneel at your bedside, and with the
old abandon of childhood and the same unquestioning
faith, leave all burdens and cares and needs with the
Father! How child-like, but how difficult! How hard to
relax; to spare an hour or even half that time out of our
busy, rushing, worried lives, and go quietly
to our room, shut the door and be still in His presence!
How hard just to be a child again, and with a great, happy
sigh, settle down care-free at His feet, perfectly assured
that He careth; that the government is upon His shoulder.

- A. Stuart M'Nairn

~777

One day with out shoes: Vote for my girlfriend's t-shirt design, please!

2010-02-16T12:48:00.000-08:00

TOMS shoes holds an annual day without shoes event and in honor of that they asked graphic designers from across the country to pitch in their ideas for what will be an official shirt that will compliment said event.

My girlfriend, who is a phenomenal artist (http://web.mac.com/alyssa_aviles/Alyssa_Marie_Art_%26_Photography/Welcome.html), submitted a design for this contest which you can vote for here:

Thanks for any and all help, please spread the word! Thanks for taking time to vote.

Peace/777

Hands

2010-02-14T22:39:00.000-08:00

I'm not afraid
To make big mistakes
I'm not afraid
To fall flat on my face
I need to get this looked at
Need to get this looked at
I need some time to think
About what I've done
Oh!
One last thing before I go

With our hands up high we're sreaming
Whoa whoa oh .. whoa whoa oh
And with our feet
We stomp a cadence for you

It's all free and that's real
It's all free, you said
I need to accept, I need forget I guess
I'm glad I got this looked at
Finally got this looked at
I'm so glad You came for me
Get this, get this right
Before we go

I am the one who needs you
I am the one who needs you
I am the one who needs you

~777

Where do we go to draw the line?

2010-02-03T08:42:00.000-08:00

Watched the end of Forrest Gump last night with the family. That movie never fails to make me reflect as well as try to navigate the confusion that is the future.

To quote the epic film, Hook, "life is the greatest adventure."

Be well my friends, find peace in whatever you're doing this week.

Love~777

Banksy made a movie, gnarly!

2010-02-02T18:04:00.000-08:00

~777

the Finisher.

2010-02-01T22:56:00.001-08:00

~777

Powerful.

2010-01-31T11:44:00.001-08:00

I have been following pastor Matt Chandlers battle with a brain tumor for the last couple months and to my surprise this morning Mark Driscoll posted a link to an article via Twitter. Reading about Matt's plight and his continuing trust in God is so inspiring. Give this article a go and take time to meditate on the things that are going right in your life. Take time to meditate on the things that aren't going right and remember that for all of your struggles, God is strengthening you, preparing you for a chance to help someone else.

Matt's courage inspires me and I must say for a quiet Sunday morning, reading something like this is what I needed to see.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35086396/ns/health-cancer//

I honestly don't know what these next few months hold and I'm grateful to be spending it here with an incredible group of individuals plus our Uganda advocates who arrive not too long from now.

Peace/777

Say hello to our Ugandan advocates.

2010-01-27T12:00:00.000-08:00

The Legacy Tour launches soon.

We are all stoked beyond belief.

~777